Broken Fates
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Harry learns through Sirius that he has family outside England. Being fed up with Dumbledore, he takes a chance and moves to Konoha. His presence in the village sets off a chain reaction and alters the fate of more than just himself. Harry/Anko
1. Chapter 1

Harry looked forlornly out the window. He was waiting for Hedwig to return with his replies. He had given her explicit instructions not to return without good ones.

She did better than that. She came back with presents. And a rather interesting scroll with Sirius' messy scrawl.

Harry opened that first, being too angry at his friends to even consider opening his presents.

It turned out to be a wise choice. Within the first few lines, Harry took the presents with a pair of tongs (he kept them on hand to deal with Ron's clothes in the dorms) and when he saw what was in them he threw them out the window.

Ron, he could understand, but Hermione too? The only present he kept was the one from the twins, who were doing very well after he gave them his winnings. Their joke business was still in the early stages, but all signs pointed to a rather lucrative business very soon.

Hermione had sent him a diary and Ron had sent him a wand holster.

What neither of them mentioned was that they had allowed Dumbledore to place listening and tracking charms on his presents.

* * *

_Sirius' letter..._

"Dear Pup,

What you are about to read is vitally important. Dumbledore has been spreading lies about you since the death of Diggory. He has conspired with Ron and Hermione to keep tabs on you at all times by placing charms on your presents. If you want to show Dumbledore that you're not a mindless sheep like the rest of the magical communities, I would advise ditching them.

You can trust the twins, they sent theirs ahead of time.

Harry, what I am about to tell you is for your eyes only. Dumbledore isn't aware that I know about this, or that I am telling you. If he knew he would obliviate the knowledge before I could blink.

Harry, you have family outside of England. Family that is closely related to has cousins in a village called Konohagakure, or the Village Hidden in the Leaf.

James' cousins were called the Uchiha clan, and they are a rather uptight lot.

Harry, I encourage you to get a hold of at least one of them. I don't care what Dumbledore said about Petunia's house, with the blood Voldemort took from you before you left, blood wards won't cut it anymore. And I know he hasn't added any wards to that house while you started school.

Just know that I will support any decision you make Pup.

Love Snuffles."

Harry collapsed on his bed. His aunt and uncle were sound asleep. He had family outside the Dursleys? And Dumbledore really expected him to stay here with how they treated him?

He could see why the old goat didn't want this getting out. If he he had known about his family sooner, he would have had Vernon drop him off at the air port the second first year had ended. His uncle probably would have done it without question.

* * *

Harry tried not to scream. He had just run into _dementors_ of all things in Little Whinging.

Sirius was right. After the ritual and losing his blood, Voldemort wouldn't be hindered by the wards anymore. He had had enough.

He went upstairs, jamming the door to keep Vernon from locking it on him. The walrus shaped male stomped up the stairs, furious even though Harry had saved his son's life.

Green eyes met the man's face squarely.

"I've had it up to here with that bastard's so called protection. I'm leaving tomorrow, and I don't give a damn what the old man says."

Vernon's eyes glinted hard. The freak was leaving?

"I'll make you a deal. Take me to the bus stop, where I'll make my way to the London and get a passport. Once I have the things I need, I will leave and you can say you have no idea where I vanished to."

"You have a deal."

* * *

The next morning when Vernon went to work, he dropped Harry off at the bus stop. He took the earliest bus to London, where he made his way to the Leaky Cauldron.

Wizards were, sadly to say, completely oblivious to the fact that Harry was walking among them. A simple baseball cap and some hair dye, and they didn't even notice it was him.

Harry walked right into Gringotts and asked for the only goblin who's name he knew. Surprised, the goblin brought Griphook out.

"What can I do for you Mr. Potter?"

"I need a passport to Konohagakure and something that would allow me to withdraw from my account anonymously. I don't intent to return to England anytime soon."

"Are you aware Fudge has recently made it illegal for you to purchase anything in Diagon?"

"What? When?"

"As early as this morning."

Griphook was amused by the curses Harry let loose.

"Was Dumbledore behind this?"

"Unlikely, but it is highly possible. However, I believe with your current disguise the shopkeepers are unlikely to realize it's you."

"Just in case...do you have any polyjuice handy?"

Griphook chuckled darkly before yelling something in goblin. One of the younger ones brought a flask out.

"Take this under the eaves of the employee entrance. As far as the shopkeepers will be aware, you are buying for a client who couldn't come out during normal business hours. We'll take the fee out of your account for you."

"Thank you. How long will this last me?"

"One gulp should prove sufficient for at least an hour, and that flask holds four or five."

Griphook handed him a bag of gold, already taken from his vault for him. Once Harry was outside, he took a gulp unseen by anyone. Once the transformation was over, he went on a three and a half hour shopping spree.

Like Griphook had said, none of the clerks asked who he was buying for, aside from being one of the goblin runners. Harry knew that Griphook was being uncommonly helpful, and he suspected it was because he had bothered to remember the goblin's name and face.

The fact he didn't even bother to argue about price didn't hurt either. Once he was done, he snuck to the entrance he had used earlier, where a goblin had him wait until the polyjuice wore off before ushering him in.

The wards around Gringotts were designed to alert the goblins if someone tried to enter using polyjuice or transformation magic. Simple muggle tricks went undetected.

Since he wouldn't be able to rent a room without alerting Dumbledore, Griphook hooked Harry up to a muggle hotel across an unused entrance to the alley.

Harry would be able to pick up his passport (which would serve even in the muggle world) and his card by the next day.

Harry had converted a few galleons to pounds, and decided to do some shopping in the muggle world before he left London. Mostly so he could finally go clothes shopping and get new glasses.

The ones he used were so outdated that his eyesight was too fuzzy.

He walked out of the eye doctors with a new pair of glasses and some contacts.

* * *

It was with no little sense of relief that Harry went into the air port. He had gotten the first flight he could to Japan, which was the closest he could get to the Elemental Countries. Griphook had explained that the village he was seeking lay behind a veil of wards that were so old that they were before the founders time.

The plane he was taking also carried animals, which was the only reason Harry had picked it.

He didn't want to chance Hedwig being spotted while en route to Japan.

Out of all his minders, only Sirius had any idea where his godson was heading. And he was a natural Occulmens, so Dumbledore wouldn't be able to get it out of him that easily.

Harry took one last breath of English air... and walked onto the plane without a second thought.

Thanks to the translation charm, Harry was able to find his guide. He wasn't going to stay long in Japan.

He had already gotten a hold of the Uchiha clan, so they were expecting him. The person they had to lead him to Konoha was as pale as Harry was, and had hair just as dark. He wore an odd headband with a symbol etched into the metal. His outfit wasn't out of place, just strange. His eyes were a deep obsidian color.

He looked to be about Harry age, if not a bit younger.

"Are you Potta Hari?" he asked slowly. Harry winced at the mangling of his name, but nodded.

"I am Uchiha Itachi."

Harry held out his hand, then remembered that the Japanese didn't shake hands. Itachi didn't seem to notice that, shaking his hand firmly.

Itachi wasn't fazed by the fact that Harry only had a single carry-on. Though he did raise an eyebrow (which Harry only caught a glimpse of out of the corner of his eye) once Harry reclaimed Hedwig from the customs control.

* * *

After about a day of traveling, Harry finally worked out the courage to talk to his cousin.

"So...What's Konoha like?"

"Warm, almost tropical. We rarely get any snow in the winter," said Itachi calmly.

"In England it mostly rains. Not a very warm place except for summer, and then it turns into a hotbox."

Itachi made an uninterested sound, so Harry tried some other tactics. Eventually he hit on a subject both could agree on...which turned out to be rabid fangirls.

"You have them too, huh?"

"They are most annoying," Itachi agreed.

"I find them mildly irritating, but then again I did find the perfect defense to keep them busy."

Now he had Itachi's full attention.

"I told them that I have far too many enemies, like the man who killed my parents, so in order to become my girlfriend they have to best me in a duel."

"And that actually worked?" Itachi asked incredulous.

"I got most of them to go away and study more, and they only ever bother me once every other month instead of every other day. Eventually some of them gave up and got real boyfriends."

"So the trick is to tell them that if they want to date me they have to beat me in combat?"

"Or at least match your abilities."

"I have to admit, I'm surprised no one else has thought of that."

"How bad is your fangirl infestation?"

"Bad. Since we live in a shinobi village, it's almost impossible to ditch them without extreme measures."

"Shinobi?"

"I thought you knew. Konohagakure is an elite ninja village."

"Tell me more," said Harry. It was going to be a _long_ walk to the village after all.

After Harry finally found the perfect topic to break the ice, Itachi actually talked to him. While he was explaining chakra in detail, Harry's eyes lit up with recognition. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out an ancient scroll he had found in his primary school library before first year at Hogwarts.

Itachi recognized it as a rather dumbed down teaching scroll for how to unlock someone's chakra.

"Did you ever use it?"

"At the house I was living at, I didn't have anything better to do at night, so I waited until I had plenty of free time and I did exactly what the instructions said. Hurt like hell at the time, but I'm fairly sure I pulled it off. Come to think of it, there were a lot of oddly dressed people the next day."

"There is one way to find out," said Itachi. If Harry _had_ unlocked his chakra by accident, he would need proper training.

Itachi showed Harry the signs for one of the Uchiha's signature techniques. It was called the Grand Fireball. He then demonstrated it to the boy.

Harry, for the most part, was a very quick study. Once he had the explanation and the hand signs down properly, he tried it. His first attempt wasn't that good, but he did produce a little flame. Barely more than a lighter's worth.

But it was more than enough to convince Itachi that his newly found cousin needed training.

By the next day, Harry was up to a cantaloupe sized flame. It wasn't until Harry imagined the jutsu as a spell that he managed to pull it off properly.

After that, Itachi helped Harry learn a few more techniques, and at night helped him learn how to throw a kunai and shuriken.

Itachi was relieved to discover that while Harry learned jutsu fairly quickly, his aim with the most basic of all ninja weapons was below that of an academy student just starting out.

Catching them, on the other hand, was another story entirely. Harry could catch anything Itachi threw at him, no matter _how_ small a target.

Though he had to suffer a few cuffs to the head from Hedwig when he started training Harry. She was nothing if not overprotective.

* * *

Harry stared at the gates of Konoha, and only one word came to mind.

"Big."

Itachi snorted, and lead him past the gates. Two chunin, Izumo and Kotetsu waved them on by once they recognized Itachi.

The calm boy lead his cousin into the Hokage building to fill out the citizenship paperwork...and eventually help him find an apartment near the Uchiha complex.

"So you are Hari Potta."

Harry winced.

"Are there any Japanese words similar to my first name that I could use to keep it from being mangled?" he asked.

The Hokage chuckled.

"Well there is 'Hari', which means needle, or even 'Haru' which means spring."

"Haru then."

"Very well, Haru. I must admit I was surprised to get a letter from you asking to come to Konoha. We don't get that many Outsiders from the Veil anymore."

"Considering it was hidden by magic, I'm not surprised. And judging from what I've seen of your techniques, that's not entirely a bad thing."

The Hokage shot Itachi a look.

"I found out along the way he accidentally unlocked his chakra coils when he was nine," he said blandly.

"Oi! How was I supposed to know that scroll was real?" Haru shot back.

Itachi grinned at him. He had become rather fond of Haru, if only because he had found a viable solution to his growing fangirl horde. Even if he was a bit odd at times.

"Well I see no reason to deny your citizenship. Here are the forms you'll have to fill out."

Seeing the look Haru shot the paperwork, the Hokage hid another chuckle. Haru sat there and filled them out on a book he brought out of his bag (which Itachi was wondering how deep it was. He had seen several things too big to fit come out of it!) and then handed it over.

The Hokage double checked it, and filed it appropriately.

"It seems to be in order. Welcome to Konoha, Haru."

Haru bowed (Itachi had taught him that, among other things) and they left.

"Mind if we stop by the Academy first?"

"Sure."

"NII-SAN! You're back!" yelled a black and navy blue blur.

"OOF!"

Itachi was tackled by a small boy about seven. Haru didn't bother hiding his reaction, he started howling with laughter.

"Traitor," growled Itachi.

"Who's the kid?"

"My little brother. Sasuke, I want you to meet our cousin from the outside, Haru."

Sasuke, when he saw Haru, became extremely shy.

"Hello."

Haru grinned, and messed the boy's duck butt hairstyle. Sasuke let out a squawk of surprise, but relaxed. Clearly Haru wasn't like the other cousins.

"Hmm, I think I'll call you...Chibi-chan."

"HEY!"

"Or how about Ducky?"

"I resent that!"

"Grumpy?" said Haru. Itachi was trying and failing to hide a grin.

"Grumpy would be our dad," said Sasuke, pouting. Then Haru got back on his good side by introducing the boy to a sweet known only as chocolate frogs.

Once he got over the surprise that the chocolate moved (and kept them away from his brother, who had a sweet tooth) Sasuke gleefully bit the head off. Haru grinned and handed another frog to Itachi.

"And you didn't bring these out earlier why?"

"Because I have a sneaking suspicion you would have raided my bag for the rest?" replied Haru with a smirk.

Sasuke laughed at the indignant look on Itachi's face.

Things were going great...until Haru finally meet Fugaku Uchiha, the head of the Uchiha clan.

He spent the night in the guest house...and spent the next day with Itachi apartment hunting. While he was glad to have meet his family, he didn't want to spend another night in such a cloying atmosphere.


	2. Chapter 2

"This looks like a nice place," said Haru.

Itachi flinched.

"There are rats," he said bluntly.

Haru smirked. The sharp whistle he let off caused Hedwig to appear and dive bomb the nearest rat. After the fourth one, Hedwig was full.

She hadn't been able to hunt much on the way to Konoha.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, and had to fight a shudder when a roach the size of his hand ran on his left foot.

Haru, on the other hand, smirked. He said something Itachi didn't understand, and suddenly all the bugs in the apartment started running in droves, as if eager to get as far away as possible.

With all the bugs gone, and the rats missing as long as Hedwig was visible, the apartment looked livable.

Provided that one spent an entire week cleaning it. The dirt looked like it was practically caked in.

"Can't we go somewhere else?" Itachi whined.

"We've been to three other apartments. This was the cheapest one they have."

"Just one more, _please_?" Itachi begged.

"Fine."

* * *

This apartment was much better, though the rent was suspiciously low. The landlady refused to explain why that was.

Itachi felt much better about this place. While it was bordering the slums, it was far healthier than the last place, and best of all it was close to the Academy and a short walk from the Uchiha compound.

Haru seemed to like it more as well. Even though he thought the place looked like a strawberry cake.

"I'll take it," he said.

Itachi breathed a sigh of relief. He would have dragged the boy out of his own house if he had chosen the last place.

Itachi dragged his former teammates into helping them move furniture into the apartment (though Haru did pay all of them a pure gold coin, which shut the grumbling up) and Haru went grocery shopping.

It wasn't until the Academy let out that Itachi found out _why_ the rent was so cheap.

A certain blonde and blue eyed menace (for the ANBU anyway) lived right next door. Naruto Uzumaki was the village pariah, always pulling pranks on the shinobi. Normally, this wouldn't be that big of a problem, but he also housed the demon fox that nearly destroyed the village nearly eight years ago.

Which meant most of the civilians hated him on sight. Some of the Shinobi didn't like him that much either.

Haru, when he saw the boy, greeted him cheerfully.

"Are you moving in next door?" he asked, clearly surprised.

"Yup. I'm you new neighbor!"

Naruto seemed to be of the mind that he would move soon enough. He gave a half hearted reply, which Haru noted.

* * *

Haru woke up and cooked breakfast, and hearing the snores he grinned. Seeing an opportunity to become friends with the somewhat cheerful blond, he cooked extra in the hopes of company.

It wasn't perfect, but it was better than nothing.

Naruto walked into his kitchen, and when he caught wind of the breakfast next door his stomach growled, loudly.

He heard a chuckle, and looked out his front door.

Haru stood there, and said "I made extra if you're interested."

The blond was through the door before Haru could blink. The green eyed boy blinked, and grinned.

"My name is Haru. What's yours?"

"Uzumaki Naruto! I'm going to be the next Hokage, believe it!"

Haru grinned. Itachi had mentioned on the way there that the Hokages had their faces carved into the mountain. Haru had taken one looked and the only thought that came to mind was that they looked constipated.

And then he said as much to the blond boy.

Naruto gave him the biggest fox grin he had ever seen, and laughed outright.

In order to become friends with Naruto, Haru even packed him a small lunch. The blond was already in love with his cooking. When he mentioned that he rarely ate breakfast, Haru invited him over whenever he wanted.

Two was better company than one.

* * *

Itachi had to go on another mission outside the village, and since he didn't want Shisui to babysit his brother again (apparently the boy was idiotic enough to take the impressionable child to a brothel) Haru volunteered to take care of the boy.

Itachi agreed so fast it would have made his head spin. Sasuke rather liked Haru, even if he was a bit weird.

Haru soon discovered the one catch to his offer to babysit Sasuke.

The boy apparently had a budding rivalry with his neighbor Naruto. This entire issue came to light the morning after Itachi left.

Naruto had quickly learned Haru didn't mind cooking for him, and had been given the spare key to the apartment so he could come in whenever he wanted. The only request Haru made was that any pranks he left behind weren't over the top.

Naruto had been delighted to learn that Haru was a prankster like him, even if he used different methods.

(Naruto found this out the hard way when he walked in with bubblegum pink hair. Sakura Haruno was _not_ amused, even when Haru admitted to the prank.)

Sasuke took one look at the blond and growled "Dobe."

"Teme!"

Haru defused the situation with a quick bop on the head for them both. While they were busy rubbing the bump, he deftly placed the plates full of food in front of them.

"Now why don't you tell me why you two don't like each other?" he asked calmly.

"He's the dead last and no one likes him."

"He's the biggest jerk in the Academy!" retorted Naruto.

"Hmm...Sasuke, how many friends do you have that you can count on?" Haru asked.

"Shino, though his bugs creep me out, Kiba, though he's louder than Naruto, and that's it."

"And how often do you hang out with them?"

"Hang out?"

"Play with them at the local playground," Haru explained.

"Almost never."

"Naruto, how many friends do you have that you play with?"

"No one. Their parents don't let me near them," said Naruto.

"Let me tell you a little secret. I didn't have any friends to play with at your age either. I couldn't make any until I was eleven," said Haru.

Seeing their disbelieving stares, Haru continued.

"I wasn't allowed to make any friends with the other children, because my cousin and his gang used to chase them off if they got to close. They only person I could talk to was the librarian, and that was because she helped me hide from my cousin and his gang."

"No way! Why wouldn't your cousin let you make any friends?"

"Because I was different from the other children, my aunt trained her son to keep people away. She didn't want them to know I wasn't like them."

Seeing that he had their full attention, Haru cast a small charm and had the two levitating in the air.

"She didn't want anyone to know her nephew had magic."

"That...IS SO COOL!" said Naruto in his loudest voice.

Sasuke seemed to be of agreement for change.

"What else can you do?" asked Naruto eagerly.

* * *

For the next hour, Haru demonstrated his magic to his rather attentive audience. They loved every minute of it.

When they finally went to the academy, both of them were rather eager to return to the apartment to see more.

What happened was rather amusing actually. Sasuke and Naruto returned rather quickly once the day was over...but they brought a good portion of their class with them.

Haru could count at least four or five heirs on sight.

Aburame, Inuzuka, Hyuga, Nara and Akimichi. And those were the ones he remembered.

Apparently Naruto had mentioned Haru's magic show and with Sasuke backing him up, the rest of the kids wanted to see it for themselves.

Haru was amused more than anything. So he took them to a nearby park and showed them his tricks. He saved the best for last, as he summoned his patronus...which he had go up to the Nara heir as a joke.

Shikamaru took the joke pretty well. Haru, when he had heard of the Nara clan and the fact that they raised deer, had convinced Itachi to show him.

He had hit it off pretty well with the head of the clan, considering the man had tricked him into a crash course of shogi. For a first time player, Haru had managed to hold his own fairly well.

Then again, shogi wasn't too dissimilar to chess, and Ron had often cornered him into a game of that. Even if he lost abysmally every time.

Itachi had found it rather amusing.

Shibi didn't mind showing off the clan deer, who took to Haru fairly well. He liked animals and it showed.

Once the show was over, Haru noted with some amusement that the children's minders had come in search of them. They had come in halfway through the magic show.

Kiba's sister was somewhat intimidating, but when Haru gave his greetings to her hounds, he found that it was actually a front.

And somehow, he ended up being roped into babysitting the children for their parents. Since they were paying him to do it (and helping him save some of his cash in the bank) he didn't really mind.

He actually _liked_ hanging around children.

* * *

Haru blinked, not sure if he had heard Itachi correctly.

"Could you repeat that?"

"The Hokage thinks it's time that you learn how to be a shinobi. If you're interested of course."

"I won't be taking Academy lessons with the others will I?" he asked.

"Of course not. You're old enough to be a genin or a chunin. He's going to have Iruka teach you personally until you're up to standards."

"Oh. That I could live with."

After that, he found a rather amusing tidbit.

Apparently Iruka was the only person who knew where the apartment was. And that because he cared about Naruto.

Which is how Haru got the amusing idea of having Naruto join him in the lessons to improve his standing at the Academy.

Naruto jumped on the chance.

* * *

In less than three months, Haru earned his headband. Iruka was highly impressed with his ability to pick up on the basics, even if his physical skill needed work. Because he often brought Naruto with him, the blonde had risen through the ranks a bit.

That had surprised Sasuke, but at least he couldn't call him dead last anymore.

It wasn't until Haru had been there four months that he had discovered the reason why everyone hated Naruto. And that only because the man had been too drunk to see past the blond.

Haru happened to be in the area when the chunin attacked his friend, and protected the blond from the punch. He could handle a black eye and broken arm if it meant protecting a friend.

"Don't you know who that brat is! He's the demon fox!" the man slurred.

Haru snarled at him.

"He's a child, you bastard! _Petrificulus Totales_!"

The man went ramrod straight, his arms pinned by the spell. Haru glared around him, furious that no one had even tried to stop him from hitting an innocent child.

Naruto had a deep bruise, several cuts, and what appeared to be a sprained wrist from where he tried to block the blow. Haru gathered the boy up and took him back to his apartment.

If there was one thing he hated more than math, it was hospitals. He spent enough time in them as it was.

Naruto didn't even flinch when he applied the stinging antiseptic. Nor did he cry when Haru set the wrist. That said more than the boy ever would about his treatment in the village.

"How long has this been going on?" asked Haru.

"As long as I can remember. Usually the guys in masks stop them before it gets too bad..."

Haru hugged the boy gently, who finally started to cry. Naruto had suffered as much as Haru did as a kid, except no one had ever stopped the Dursleys in Haru's case.

"Naruto, if you want, you can move in with me. I don't mind walking you to the Academy and back."

The look in Naruto's eyes made the offer more precious than gold.

"Can...can I call you nii-san?" he asked timidly.

"Sure you can. But you have to do the dishes," grinned Haru.

The next day Haru went to the Hokage's office and filled out the forms that would allow him to adopt Naruto. He wasn't going to leave the boy alone in the world anymore, since he saw himself in his eyes.

The Hokage had smiled, and even helped him fill it out. He then helped Haru find a few odd jobs around the village so he could support the black hole that was Naruto's stomach.

Haru could care less about some demon fox. Naruto was Naruto, and nothing would change his mind about it.

He quickly learned how Naruto felt about his own birthday, and it made his blood boil.

No child should view his own birthday as a declaration of war. Even Haru, who's relatives never even bothered to remember his birthday, had ever tried to kill him on it.

Which was why Haru threw a quiet little party for Naruto at the Ichiraku Ramen stand with Iruka. The tears on the blond's face made it all worth it.

* * *

"Wait, so there are massive snakes in this forest?" asked Haru with interest.

Itachi was taking a rare break, and had been talking about the forest he took the chunin exam in.

"Snakes big enough to eat a man whole without biting him."

Haru looked at his cousin hard...before saying "Mind if you can show me where they are?"

Itachi blinked, and stared at him.

"Are you serious?"

"No, that's the first star in the constellation Canis Major. I'm Haru remember?"

"That was a horrible pun."

"I know, but I have a godfather who used to make the same one _all _the time."

"Why?"

"Because Sirius is his name."

Itachi groaned. He had walked right into that one.

"So can I see these supposed massive snakes?"

"Fine, but if they eat me I am blaming you."

Haru grinned evilly.

"They won't eat you."

"I'm dead serious. If they eat me I am coming back to haunt your ass."

"Fair enough."

Once in the forest, Itachi was left absolutely speechless as Haru actually _spoke_ to the massive snakes in the forest. He had surprised them enough that they were more interested in talking that eating him.

When he was done, Haru had to poke Itachi repeatedly before he could even move.

"What...how?"

"I can snake speak. Did I forget to mention that?" Haru said cheekily.

Itachi twitched. He had been so sure the snake was going to eat him when it came so close to his face. Apparently Haru had asked him to freak his cousin out.

"You are evil. I don't care how innocent that face of yours is, you are _evil_!" Itachi said when they left.

"Why thank you!" chirped Haru.

(Naruto, when informed of the prank, had laughed his ass off for hours. He thought it was hilarious!)


	3. Chapter 3

Dobby showed up around November with a message from Dumbledore.

Haru burned the message and kept Dobby, who was more than happy to work for the same person who freed him from his cruel master.

It was thanks to Dobby that Haru finally managed to make contact with Sirius again, who was grinning about how Haru had escaped Dumbledore so thoroughly.

Even if the phoenix feather that Haru sent had sent them all into worry mode.

(Haru had snapped his wand in half after buying a new one, and gotten rid of the feather. Griphook had thought the message was subtle but clear. He wasn't going to follow Dumbledore anymore.)

Dobby didn't mind being a messenger, as he brought goodies for Haru from the twins.

Hermione and Ron had been furious when they learned Haru had ditched them (and thrown their presents away, even though they had charms on them which would have angered him even more). Chances were pretty good they would show him how angry they were if Dumbledore asked, but thankfully he didn't know or care about the Veil.

Even Sirius had no idea where Konohagakure was. Which was a good thing because Dumbledore wouldn't be able to get it out from him.

* * *

Haru had already discovered the one D rank he truly hated. Since he was mostly an apprentice to a jounin named Hayate (who was thrilled to find that the potions Haru _did _know how to brew helped get rid of his cough) he didn't have to deal with team dynamics.

Not that he didn't join other genin on their team missions. With his easy going nature, Haru got along with everyone and kept up his end of the mission.

The Hokage couldn't ask for anything more.

Haru absolutely loathed catching Tora. He normally _liked_ cats, but this wasn't a cat.

This was a demon sent from hell to torment genin. He wasn't the only one to think so either. Every genin who got stuck with the mission agreed with him.

Haru didn't mind the missions to clean gardens, do the dishes or pick something up. Those he could live with.

But Tora really ticked him off. Even more than the old Mrs. Norris ever had.

Hayate made it a point to teach Haru new jutsu to compensate. Usually chunin level. On the really rough days he taught the boy jounin level.

All too quickly, the Chunin exams approached. And despite having only earned his genin rank mere months ago, (and learning his ninja techniques around the same time) he was nominated for the rank.

He was surprised, but pleased. He had barely finished a C rank a week ago after all.

(It was a simple escort mission, which Haru had read through most of it. After Hayate had taught him to make shadow clones, Haru had gotten into the practice of having them do most of the watching while he read.)

Among the genin he was stuck with, Hana Inuzuka was one of the easier ones to get along with. She had taken a liking to him after he demonstrated his ability to get the more vicious dogs to calm down around him.

Some of their guard dogs didn't get along with strangers, but Haru could get them to turn into pet dogs with a treat and a gentle scratching. In less than ten seconds he could get their back legs going nuts.

Well, that and he had the amazing ability to back talk to her mother without flinching once. It took real balls to tell the matriarch of the Inuzuka clan to go to hell. And it took guts to look her in the eye at the same time.

Probably why Tsume was so eager to pair her off with Haru or possibly Itachi, who was the only other shinobi who could ever look Tsume in the eye and back talk to her.

Frankly Haru thought Itachi was a better match. Plus it would get rid of the fan girl problem of his. He had managed to get rid of a good quarter of the girls with the advice Haru had given him, but it was still slow going.

Fugaku had disapproved of anything Haru did normally, but the advice he had given Itachi was among the few things he agreed upon.

According to Itachi, Haru acted far too much like another Uchiha named Obito who died ten years before he came to the village.

When asked, Itachi took Haru to meet Obito's parents, who took to the boy rather quickly. After seeing the way Haru treated graveyards and memorials, he knew that he wouldn't dishonor such a memory. Obito's mother even gave Haru her son's old goggles, which Haru took to wearing every day.

* * *

Haru was somewhat eagerly awaiting the exam. Hana and another named Kabuto were going to be his makeshift team (and after being dropped rather ungracefully in the forest of death for three days looking for a scroll, Haru had been named the leader of their makeshift group) which meant if chances were good they would make chunin.

If not, then they could always wait another six months and try again.

Haru made a point to hide back how much he knew around Kabuto. He liked Hana well enough, when it was clear that she adored her annoying little brother and was completely loyal to the village. But Kabuto was a mystery that didn't sit well with him. Itachi had shown him where to find the records for other shinobi and while most of it had been blacked out, Haru hadn't drawn a good enough picture of the boy.

However, his attitude superficially read like Ron sometimes did. Calculating and unreliable.

Which was why Haru was keeping a close eye on the boy. He would trust him to a point, but he wasn't going to become best friends with him.

Aside from allowing the fact he could snake speak out, he managed to keep most of his abilities hidden.

The first part went without a hitch, as they passed rather easily. Haru had his snakes steal the answers while Hana had her dogs. Kabuto didn't even need those, recognizing the questions and already having the answers.

The tenth question didn't bother them, with Haru breaking the tension with a minor prank.

Fugaku would have his head later, but he honestly could care less.

The man didn't realize that Haru had taken time out of his schedule to help Sasuke learn the fireball technique which would label him an adult of the clan. He had seen how the man fawned entirely over Itachi and never even looked twice at Sasuke, so he decided to do the opposite.

He treated Itachi as a best friend and Sasuke like the clan prodigy. It had taken all of a week for Itachi to catch onto the trick, which was why he helped Haru.

After that, Sasuke learned to ignore his father completely and look for praise from Itachi or Haru. By the time Fugaku had figured it out (his wife having already noticed and said nothing) he was pissed.

He couldn't do anything about it, because Sasuke had made a point to avoid his father unless the man asked for him specifically.

* * *

Haru took one look at the forest and grinned so evilly his teammates backed away from him.

"Why do you look like Orochimaru right now?" Hana asked nervously.

"We have an advantage the others don't."

"You mean aside from being thrown in there four days ago?" asked Kabuto rhetorically.

"Yeah. I know the layout better than most chunin," said Haru.

"Okay, I know you like talking to the snakes in here, but that's plain weird," said Hana.

"It's not that! My friend Anko sometimes takes me with her when she goes training in here. She helped me get my speed up."

"Anko... As in _Anko Mitarashi_, the crazy snake bitch?" said Hana with a yelp.

"Anko-chan isn't crazy, just weird."

"Haru, your sense of weirdness is off," Kabuto said flatly.

Haru glared.

"If we didn't need you to get to the end, I would leave you in the middle of nowhere with enough meat to have the tigers come after you like a bat out of hell," he replied bluntly.

Hana and Kabuto winced.

"Is that how she...?"

"Yes, though I got her back a week later."

"How?"

"Turned her toys hot pink. You never heard such howling," he smirked.

"Haru, you scare me sometimes. I swear to kami you do," said Hana.

"Why thank you!" he chirped.

They signed the forms, and went to the gate Haru chose. It would lead them straight to the biggest snake den in the forest, where he would have the snakes find and retrieve the scroll for them.

Four hours later, Haru and his team were the first people to get to the center. Needless to say when they undid the summon scroll they were horrified.

The random jounin that had been stuck with giving the explanation of the board above them...was having sex with his boyfriend. Ten horrifying seconds of that, and Hana finally alerted them to the fact that they had gotten to the center.

If that had been mortifying for them, it was worse for the poor jounin.

Mostly because Haru made a point to blackmail the man for some new scrolls to read. The jounin was relieved to be let off so easily.

Kabuto and Hana were in awe of Haru's quick thinking. They spent the next five days reading jounin level scrolls. Slowly teams trickled in, and some suffered like they had. Unlike Haru and his team, they hadn't thought quickly enough to gain something to read by blackmailing the poor jounin.

Barely ten teams had passed, and none had such an easy time like Haru and the others.

Then again, they didn't have native animals _helping_ them get the scroll. Or someone who was so used to the forest that he could guide them through the fastest route.

Haru took out his opponent rather easily, despite being a relative noob to the shinobi world. It wasn't the killing that bothered him about being a ninja.

No, it was the paperwork. For some odd reason he couldn't understand, Shinobi did easily ten times more paperwork than any other profession he had heard of. It was baffling.

Of course he was privilege to the most amusing sight he had ever seen when he innocently asked why the Hokage never used shadow clones to do his paperwork for him, considering he obtained all the information they had once dispelled.

The sight of the supposed God of the Shinobi world banging his head on his desk for not coming up with such a simple solution had Haru trying and failing not to laugh. Itachi too, mostly because he had been there when Haru had said that out loud.

Since becoming Naruto's caretaker/big brother, Haru had become very familiar with the sight of the Hokage. Despite being a wizard and now a shinobi, Haru did his very best to protect those he cared about.

The attacks on Naruto dropped once it became clear that the offending party would be pranked within an inch of their life afterwords.

The ANBU never helped the victims either.

Haru waited for Hana and Kabuto to be done. Kabuto, unfortunately, lost within fifteen minutes but he put up a good showing.

What he didn't notice was Haru watching his fight critically. Haru saw how Kabuto deliberately ignored an opening or allowed his opponent to get a hit past him.

Hana at least, fought like she wanted to win. She beat her opponent easily with her nin dogs.

Haru had been working in the Inuzuka compound for several months now, and he had his eye on one of the nin dogs. Tsume had already said he could have one since he took such good care of the guard dogs and his owl.

It wasn't like he couldn't afford a nin dog.

* * *

By the time they were let out, Haru was tackled from behind by a blond missile.

"Haru-nii! You survived!"

"Who said I wouldn't?" Haru asked in a mock growl.

"Sakura-chan and Ino!"

Haru had met Sakura Haruno, and had winced. While Naruto's penchant for orange was disturbing (Ron would love the kid's choice in colors) her pink hair had given birth to a veritable nest of prank ideas.

After hearing her and Ino Yamanaka shriek at Naruto for a prank, Haru had taken to getting his little brother over his crush on the girl.

He noticed the looks Hinata had for Naruto, though she was still too shy to admit it.

"That reminds me. Gotta reschedule the babysitting duty with the clans."

Haru was the official babysitter for at least six clans, including his own.

The Aburame, Nara, Akimichi, Hyuuga, Inuzuka, Yamanaka and Uchiha all had him watch the children. Mostly because it was clear that he could handle such a large group. It was fairly easy, because they behaved so long as he did magic. Plus they all loved Hedwig.

(While Haru found the Aburame clan odd, he wasn't as freaked out by their bugs as most of the other people were. He used to sleep with spiders in his cupboard under the stairs for crying out loud!)

* * *

For the next month, Haru used blackmail to get Itachi to help him train.

Itachi and Sasuke were the only Uchiha Haru even associated with, since most viewed him as an annoyance. Should he ever actually gain the Sharingan, Haru had no doubt they would change their tune.

To the shock of Itachi and Sasuke, Haru _did_ accidentally unlock said kekkei genkai during a particularly rough sparring session. Itachi actually tripped and fell into a pond when he saw the spinning red eyes.

Sasuke had laughed his ass off...until he saw Haru's eyes were no longer their familiar green color, but a crimson red.

"You alright Itachi?" Haru sang out.

Itachi came up coughing, before he looked at Haru in the eye. Not getting the hint, Haru waited for five minutes before blinking.

It took him that long to realize his vision was more blurry than usual. He took off his glasses to clean them...and realized that he could actually see with them off.

"What the hell?"

He went to the pond and looked...his yelp gave Itachi some measure of dignity back.

"Congratulations. Now they can't say you're nothing but an outsider trying to pretend to be an Uchiha," Itachi said blandly.

"Like I cared about those stupid rumors! I wasn't actually _trying_ to unlock the clan trait!" retorted Haru.

"Looks like we'll be camping tonight. We'll get you up to two tomoe at least before the next phase," said Itachi.

Haru rubbed his eyes.

"Might as well make the best of this..."

* * *

Haru happened to be dropping off Sasuke when he heard Fugaku growl. Sasuke had been helping Naruto prank someone, and apparently it had come back to him.

The look Fugaku had for his own son would have made even Itachi snarl at the man. It was one of loathing.

He grabbed his son roughly, intending to beat him...only to see Sharingan red flash in Haru's eyes as he reclaimed Sasuke and ran.

"Haru..." whimpered Sasuke. He had been hit by his father once before, but Itachi had saved him before he really got hurt.

"I will be telling Itachi about this. You're not going back there without him to keep your father back," said Haru firmly.

Sasuke curled closer to his cousin, glad someone had done something about the near attack. Fugaku rarely hit him, but it still hurt.

Itachi returned a few days before the final phase of the exam, and when Haru told him of the near attack he was pissed. Sasuke had hidden himself in Haru's apartment, to Fugaku's fury.

Itachi had had enough of the favoritism. He gathered all of the things in his and Sasuke's room, and took over Naruto's old apartment.

Naruto had no complaints about the move, because he had been living with Haru for a few months now, and had been using the old apartment as a storage space.

The rumor was the talk of the village...until the chunin exam finals started.

By the end of the finals, Haru, Hana and another genin had achieved Chunin rank. Rumors were rampant in the village for two reasons.

Itachi's decision to leave the clan compound and move in with his Outsider cousin...and the fact that Haru had proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was in fact an Uchiha clan member.

The look on Fugaku and the other naysayers faces when they saw the Sharingan in all it's glory in Haru's eyes...

Itachi had done his cousin a favor and took so many pictures it would take months for them to find them all.


	4. Chapter 4

Haru was very confused when the ANBU came a few scant hours after the Academy let out. They were looking for Itachi, who had helped Haru pick up the kids so they could have a joint training session.

Since officially moving out of the compound, Itachi had become much more open about his emotions. In the words of Naruto, he was getting the ten inch kunai from out of his ass.

Sasuke had hit Naruto for the comment, but agreed with the assessment completely.

"What's going on Tanuki-san?"

"Where is Uchiha Itachi?"

"He's right behind you. Why?"

"You might want to come with us," he said cryptically.

It was with great confusion that the four made their way to the T and I department. Anko was waiting, and her expression was grim. That set alarm bells going off in his mind.

Anko was usually insanely cheerful around him. If only because he had flippantly made fun of her old sensei and treated her like a friend. Well, that and they had a love of snakes and dango.

"Anko, what the hell is going on?" Haru asked bluntly.

"The entire Uchiha Clan Compound was just massacred, and a witness claims it was Itachi."

Itachi's eyes widened.

"I haven't gone near that place since I moved out! My mother and I usually meet at Ichiraku to talk," he protested.

"Where have you been for the past five hours?"

"He's been with me for six," Haru informed them, "And for the past four we've been helping the Chibi Brigade train. The Aburame, Nara and Inuzuka clan heirs can confirm that."

Anko believed him, mostly because Haru was a terrible liar unless the need called for it.

"We'll have to confirm it, but until then the four of you are confined to this building."

"Would it help if I brought out Veritaserum?"

Ibiki loved that potion, because while torture was effective, veritaserum was almost impossible to block and every answer had to be truthful.

It had saved many lives when the information gained from torture turned out to be lies or half information.

Haru, thankfully, had finally found the recipe for it and had learned to brew it effectively nine times out of ten.

He usually tested in on Naruto, to see whether or not the boy had eaten the last of the ice cream or not. Though the culprit was more often than not Itachi.

Ibiki was quite eager to put this nonsense to rest, and Itachi wasn't against the idea of taking a potion either.

More than once, Haru had saved him a trip to the hospital with a potion. So he knew the boy was a decent brewer. Haru even helped to translate the Healer's Helpmate he had bought, among other texts.

Thanks to the books he bought before his trek to Konoha, the hospital had a new division for people with skill in cooking. It turned out that chakra was close enough to magic that they could create potions just as good as St. Mungo's, if not better.

Because of the potions, Haru had inadvertently saved lives otherwise lost. Though no ninja wanted to drink skelegro if they could help it.

(On the other hand, some ninja who were facing retirement because of old injuries suddenly found themselves out in the field again because the bones which had been weary were removed and then regrown.)

* * *

Itachi sat in the chair, and took the three drops given without a fuss.

Ibiki stood there and asked basic questions.

"What is your name?"

"_Uchiha Itachi."_

"What rank are you?"

"_Jounin, ANBU."_

"How old are you?"

"_14."_

Satisfied Itachi was properly under the potion, he asked more difficult ones.

"Did you kill the Uchiha Clan."

"_No."_

"Where were you for the past six the seven hours?"

"_With my cousin Haru. I helped him train some of the Academy cadets."_

"Do you have a grudge against the Uchiha clan as a whole?"

"_No."_

"Do you have a grudge against anyone _in_ the Uchiha clan?"

"_Yes."_

"Who?"

"_My father Fugaku."_

"Why?"

"_Because his favoritism of me lead him to abuse my younger brother."_

"Were you anywhere near the Uchiha compound, or sent a shadow clone there within the past week?"

"_No. I have not been back there since I moved to the apartment next to my cousin Haru. I have no reason to return anytime soon."_

"Do you know of any reason why the clan would be wiped out?"

It was this question which really shocked Ibiki and those listening in.

"_Yes."_

"What reason is that?"

Itachi's voice didn't waiver or change in the least. He was still firmly under the potion.

"_They were planning a coup to overthrow Konoha and possible set into a civil war. They believed the village was too weak."_

Ibiki looked at him in shock. If he was shocked, then it was nothing to how the Hokage felt about the matter.

"Who was in on this scheme?"

"_Most of the adult Uchiha, barring myself, Sasuke and Haru. I took as many missions outside the village so I would not become a part of a plan to destroy the village."_

It was around this time that the potion started to wear off. Ibiki had no more questions, but he still had to check Haru and Sasuke just to be sure.

Haru and Sasuke were essentially the same, though they had no idea of a coup. Then again, they hadn't been in any clan meetings since Haru showed up originally.

Haru had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with the Uchiha when he first met Fugaku, who had no issues with that. Even when Haru unlocked his Sharingan, the only Uchiha clan members he had any contact with were Itachi, Sasuke and the mother of Obito.

The rest were more than happy to ignore his very existence.

Frankly he found that a rather peaceful way to live. He was so used to staring and whispering back in England, that it was rather refreshing.

* * *

Once they were done, Ibiki conferred with the Hokage. Who then turned to Haru, the oldest of the four. Naruto was by extension, an Uchiha. Even if Haru had never taken the name formally.

"Itachi, since we have cleared your name of the massacre, you are free to continue you life as before. However, as Haru is the oldest Uchiha in Konoha, you'll still be under his supervision."

Itachi chuckled. Technically, he was the Uchiha clan head and he outranked Haru twice over. However, since Haru was the oldest among them, they could avoid being separated by well meaning people eager to adopt an Uchiha. By civilian standards, Haru was an adult.

"What happens now?"

"Now we try to find the real culprit. The Uchiha compound will be open to you as soon as the place is cleared, but you aren't pressured to move there if you don't want to."

Haru looked at his cousins. They were the last Uchiha in Konoha, which meant the staring and whispers were about to get a _lot_ worse. Haru could feel the headaches brewing in the wings of the tragedy.

Before they left, the Hokage could hear Haru asking Itachi how good his brewing skills were. Itachi was a decent, if not exactly enthusiastic potion brewer.

(Haru didn't know this, but the Hokage was already planning to add potions to the Academy curriculum.)

* * *

"We better start to brewing headache and migraine relievers. The minute this gets out we're really going to need them," said Haru.

Anko chuckled.

"Now why would you think that Haru?"

"Because I know how these things work. I've had to deal with this crap before."

"Oh?"

"My first year of magic school, I had to deal with the stares, whispers and unwanted rumors, just because I survived some instant kill jutsu that my parents didn't. Because of that people would gawk and whisper about me behind my back. I can't count how many times I needed something for the headaches it caused..."

Itachi chuckled.

"How long did it take for your hordes to become noticable?"

Haru snorted loudly.

"Weeks, if not months. I never paid them any attention at first...I was still a firstie, but around second year I realized I had a veritable horde of unwed girls after me. It was a combination of things that caused it to include most, if not all the unwed and unattached females to lock onto me like a shark with blood in the water."

"How bad was it?" asked Anko.

"It wasn't too bad. Thanks to the yearly adventures, particularly second year, the girls didn't come too close. But last year was horrid."

Seeing the expectant looks of his audience, Haru shuddered.

"My fourth year, there was this competition. I was chosen because someone put my name in, even though legally I shouldn't have been allowed to compete. Halfway threw it we had this dance, and even my rival house had female vying for a chance to be my dance partner. You have no _idea_ how mortifying it was to have an eleven year old ask to dance with you. I left it off until the last minute and had to chose a girl who hadn't gotten a partner from my own house."

Itachi, who had been silent with sympathy, burst out laughing.

"Oh, that is nothing. Try having a veritable horde of females who can chase you on rooftops and practically everywhere else hoping to become your girlfriend!" he snickered.

Sasuke winced.

The two cousins turned to him with grins. Naruto was snickering.

"Sasuke has almost the entire female class after him," Naruto informed them.

"Except Hinata, thank kami," he shuddered.

"The Pink Banshee and Ino are the worst of them though. They seem to have beaten away all contenders for the seats nearest Sasuke. I sometimes help him out by stealing one."

"For which I thank you heartily!" said Sasuke.

The older shinobi laughed at their antics.

Since they were in a rather sombre mood, Haru opted to order in. The less they had to deal with the outside world for the next few days, the better. Ichiraku had an ordering service (which he occasionally helped out for some free ramen for Naruto) Haru sent Hedwig with the order.

Ayame knew where they lived easily enough.

Anko, who was assigned to guard them in case the killer returned, convinced Haru to order some dango for her.

He didn't exactly complain, since he had a love of the treat too. It wasn't that uncommon to see him and Anko arguing over flavors.

If he didn't know she wasn't even twenty, he would have believed her to be about the same age as Snape at least. The fact that she was barely older than him made it much easier to talk to her.

(More than a few times Itachi claimed he had a crush on the snake girl, but Haru never denied it that well. Which only made his suspicions much more solid. Though to be fair, Itachi did like Inuzuka Hana, so Haru often gave as good as he got.)

When they entered the door, Haru was greeted by Padfoot...the nin dog he had gotten from the Inuzuka clan.

The dog was just as mischievous as his namesake, and twice as troublesome.

Naruto, once he got the hound to accept him, absolutely loved him.

Alas, he also managed to convert the hound to the god of pranks. Haru only requested that they didn't allow themselves to be caught.

Padfoot was half Haru's height, and pitch black. His light cerulean blue eyes sparkled with mischief, and he was twice as fast as Hedwig when it came to delivering messages.

Like many nin dogs, Padfoot could talk, though Haru trained him to be bilingual. He had a hitai ate around his neck like a collar, which looked like a kerchief that had the stars to the constellation Canis Major embroidered on the back.

He wasn't a pure breed, but a mutt trained for running hard and fighting.

He got along with Hedwig swimmingly.

"_So what did the Raccoon want?" _he asked.

"The Uchiha clan was massacred. Itachi, Sasuke and I are all that's left."

"_Ouch. Any idea who did it?"_

"Someone skilled with a henge. Itachi was being blamed, but we had him cleared. Anyone come to the house while we were out?" asked Haru, scratching his ear.

"_Three fangirls...and someone I didn't recognize. He smelled unpleasant, so I chased him off."_

Haru didn't doubt that for a minute. People had learned quickly to avoid Padfoot if he was in a fighting mood. Haru didn't train his animals to be vicious, but they usually turned that way when defending him.

Hedwig alone could scar a man for life and had a knack for blinding people with her claws. After a particularly rough attempt by Kumo to kidnap Hinata, she had been classed as a high level nin owl.

Haru had accidentally run into the nins trying to kidnap her, and had stopped them before they got farther than a block.

Like he predicted, they all had headaches for a month before the uproar died down over the loss of the Uchiha clan. Itachi started taking more and more long term missions to avoid the staring. Haru would have done the same, if he could have gotten away with it. Alas, he was usually stuck watching Naruto and the others.

* * *

He had almost been there an entire year when he saw a pair of familiar and welcome faces.

A pair he didn't mind seeing at all.

Fred and George Weasly had clearly spoken to the goblins about the place Harry had gone, and with the recommendation of Haru (delivered courtesy of Dobby) they had gotten a free trip to Konohagakure.

Griphook made sure that it really _was_ the Weasly twins who were sent through, along with the assurance that no spells were placed on them to retrieve the missing Potter.

The goblins rather liked the way that Haru sent them new information about the other side of the Veil and gave them an opportunity to open a branch office.

Just two months after the Uchiha clan massacre, the Hokage found himself with a much needed help in the potions department...and with his evil paperwork.

With the backing of the Uchiha/Potter clan, the goblins opened the first bank for mages in Konoha. In exchange for the potions teachers, they found themselves with a wealth of new business.

(The fact that most shinobi treated them like colleagues and equals once they saw how they acted didn't hurt in the least. Like most ninja villages, it wasn't appearance that mattered...it was ability.)

Fred and George took one look at their surrogate brother, and threw their arms around him in a show of joy. Haru, who was unaware of how much he missed the twins, grinned like Naruto after a prank.

The village wouldn't know what hit it!

* * *

Naruto took one look at the Weasly twins, and stared. They stared back. He was wearing one of his orange monstrosities, so it was understandable.

"So you're Haru's little brother," George said finally.

Haru had told them extensively about his new family, particularly Naruto.

(Since the massacre, Itachi had formally adopted the two into the clan, where they acted more like brothers than cousins.)

"You two must be the evil twins he mentioned," Naruto said back.

The evil grins on their faces only confirmed his suspicions. Haru once said that the two could easily take over the world...but they preferred to prank others instead.

"I'm Fred."

"I'm George."

"And we are the infamous Weasly Twins!" they finished with a flourish.

Naruto grinned at the introduction and said "I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Uchiha, and I'll be the next Hokage! Believe it!"

The three grinned evilly, and in the distance the Hokage heard the four horsemen of the apocalypse running towards Konoha. At first, he worried it was the Kyuubi breaking free...but once he consulted his globe he paled even more.

It was worse than the Kyuubi. Much, much worse. Haru had been bad enough with helping Naruto in his pranks...but the fox container had just joined forces with the two biggest pranksters that Haru's old school had ever seen since his parents graduated.

He whimpered as he could see the paperwork on his desk practically _grow_ before his eyes. This...would not end well.


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius Black was, to say the least, bored out of his damn mind! After Harry successfully escaped both Ministry and Dumbledore (and sent a nice little piece of proof that he would no longer follow Dumbledore like some blind little sheep) the war had slowly crawled down to a halt.

Voldemort seemed to be under the impression Dumbledore had taken Harry away for some super secret training, apparently not believing the rumor that Harry had gotten rid of his wand.

To someone who believed being pure of blood was most important and that magic was the only thing that really mattered in life, he had real difficultly believing that a fellow half blood would willingly snap his own wand and walk away from magic so thoroughly.

The fact that he had taken a few goblin clans went completely unnoticed.

Dumbledore, furious that his pawn had escaped his grasp, was becoming more and more illiterate. It was becoming very clear that he had based the end of this war on Harry killing Tom for him.

Sirius didn't even want to imagine what the old man had planned for his godson after the war ended. He could just see the marriage laws being drafted and enforced. If he knew where Konohagakure was, he would head there today.

Remus too, once he was properly married to Tonks. He wished them both the best of luck.

It was then that Dobby appeared, with another letter from Harry. He didn't know where the boy found such a crazy (if not amusing) elf, but Dobby was the only way Sirius had to get a hold of his godson.

Something Dumbledore was trying to do for months now. Only Dobby could find Harry with any success, as the other elves weren't so familiar with him. Owls refused to take letters, and after Harry sent the phoenix feather that had been the core of his wand back to Dumbledore, even Fawkes couldn't find him.

They would have believed him dead, if not for the fact that he kept sending letters with photos to Sirius and Remus on a bi monthly basis.

Wherever Harry was, it was a tropical climate...and for the first time in his fifteen years it was very clear that he was happy and healthy.

Sirius saw no reason for Harry to return to Europe. Especially with how he had been treated by the people who believed he was supposed to save them from the darkness.

As Sirius read the newest letter (which had infuriated Ron and Hermione even more. Harry never sent them a single letter) he grinned at the antics of the blond Harry had adopted.

Naruto Uzumaki sounded like prime Marauder material. While the news that the Uchiha clan was killed off except for Harry, Itachi and Sasuke had been a shocking blow, the fact that Harry and those close to him were alright made it easier.

Even more so when it brought the four even closer.

As Sirius read on, his grin widened to frightening levels.

Harry was going to start courting his friend Anko Mitarashi. And he was going to do it, ninja style (I/E sneaky).

He was going to pretend to be a secret admirer, and then when he finally set up the first date, surprise her with the fact that it was him all along.

Considering how he painted the girl, it was probably a good idea.

It wasn't until he read the last part of the letter that he had an idea.

He asked Harry if he could come stay in Konoha too, since Europe was dead boring without him.

Dobby took the letter and vanished before Dumbledore could get a spell off. The old man was always trying to capture the elf, who was the only link he had to Harry.

* * *

Haru read the letter, grinning as always, by Sirius' antics. When he read the request to come, his grin widened.

He had wondered how long it would be before Sirius or Remus asked.

Since a few goblins had come over through the veil (bringing almost all of the Potter fortune with them, as well as house elves he didn't know he owned) it was much easier to make the crossing.

So he wrote a quick reply (as well as sent the picture of him in his new outfit, complete with Chunin vest) and had Dobby drop it off.

It was up to Sirius whether he actually got the hint or not.

That done, he went to pick up Naruto from the academy. Less than a month ago, Itachi accepted a very long term mission outside the village. He was going undercover in a criminal organization called the Akatsuki, and until he was done he was considered an S-class criminal by the village.

The only ones who knew the truth were Harry, Sasuke and Naruto as well as the Hokage himself.

Before Itachi left, Haru gave him a companion. He had seen how much Itachi liked Hedwig (he often gave her small treats) which was why when his beloved owl had owlets (imagine his shock to find out she was pregnant!) he gave one to Itachi.

Whatever bird Hedwig took a liking too, it definitely had tolerance to higher temperatures. It took Haru months to find out that Hedwig had gotten together with one of the Hidden Sand's rare messenger owls.

Itachi named his new pet Mitoko, after his mother. She reminded him forcefully of the woman, particularly whenever he was actually injured.

Hedwig, it seemed, hatched owls that were as bossy as she was. Which wasn't exactly a bad thing, considering.

(With her approval, he gave four of the hatched owls to the messenger bird service. The rest he gave to people who could take care of them properly that Hedwig liked.)

* * *

Within a few weeks of sending the letter, Haru was called to the Hokage's office. Whenever a wizard made the crossing the old fashioned way, a shinobi of at least Chunin level was sent out to guide them.

It was Haru's turn to guide the wizards to Konoha. When he heard _who_ it was, he asked to take his little brothers with him.

Iruka didn't mind, so long as Haru kept them on their homework.

Before he left, he went to the twin's shop and told them to make a welcoming party, Marauder style. They took the hint, and went to work. They had a week to spare, so it was sure to be big.

(Three months after the twins moved to Konoha, Itachi and Haru reluctantly reopened the Uchiha compound and moved there. The apartments were now a place for any of them to crash if they were having a fight with someone in the house. Since Haru had bought the entire building, it worked out rather well.)

Now that they were all living in the compound (the twins too, seeing as they had practically adopted Haru as a younger brother first year) it was much easier to hear screams of fury.

Because of the twins influence, Konoha had been hit particularly hard by a rash of unexplainable and amusing (for everyone BUT the victims) pranks.

Haru encouraged Naruto in his quest to become the village Prank King, despite the request from the Hokage to turn it down. He even managed to keep Iruka from strangling him by pointing out what a good training exercise it was.

(I/E trap setting and running from chunin and jounin level enemies without getting caught. As well as attention to his surroundings.)

After pointing that fact out, Iruka decided to up the ante. He told the boys point blank that if they were _ever_ caught by anyone they had pranked, the standing order was to deliver them to Ibiki for training in how to torture enemy ninja.

With how Ibiki trained new recruits, it only gave them _more_ incentive to never be caught by anyone but Iruka or the Hokage.

"So we're finally going to meet Sirius? The infamous Padfoot?" said Naruto.

"Not just Padfoot. From what the Hokage said Moony is coming too with his girlfriend."

"_I can't wait to meet my namesake,"_ said Padfoot. He had a wide doggy grin.

"You'll love him," grinned Haru.

Since it was unlikely they would have any enemy run ins, particularly since they were all in civilian clothing, Haru was slightly more relaxed.

Of course it didn't hurt that the twins taught him how to do side-along apparition. With the ninja training he got when he first arrived, it was surprisingly easy.

It took three days to get to the location, and another day for Sirius and Moony to finally show up.

Fortunately the boys didn't mind camping.

* * *

Padfoot blinked, surprised by the sudden change in climate. He had disguised himself as a dog to get through customs, but it was a necessary evil. The sad fact was that he was still a wanted man.

He walked out of the veil...and was immediately tackled by another dog wearing an odd headband.

"Padfoot, knock it off! That's Sirius!" called a familiar voice.

Sirius looked at the mutt who tackled him.

"_Sorry."_

"Huh...I didn't know dogs could look gobsmacked," said Harry.

"Well one rarely meets a talking dog," Remus commented dryly.

"Around here, not so much. Padfoot, meet Padfoot," said Harry with an amused grin.

"Nii-san, which one is the super awesome Sirius?" begged one of the small boys. Sirius looked at the blond. He seemed the type.

Sirius, with a hidden doggy grin, shifted back to the amazement of the two boys.

"Sasuke, Naruto, meet Sirius Black...aka Padfoot the Menace."

That set off the blond, who wanted to know how and if he could transform like that.

Harry, on the other hand, had an entire different idea.

"Hey Naruto, have you perfected _that_ yet?"

"You mean my super secret jutsu? I got it down last week!"

"Why not show Padfoot and Moony your special trick?"

Naruto gave him a large fox grin, and put his hands in the correct seal.

"Transform!"

When the smoke cleared, Sirius and Remus stared for about two seconds...before passing out from nosebleeds.

Naruto had turned himself into a busty, blond, and very hot girl...who was completely naked. The only thing protecting their innocence was the smoke clouds.

He let it go with a fox grin and proclaimed "I call it the Sexy Jutsu!"

Somewhere in the afterlife, James and Minato were laughing their asses off.

Haru laughed as the two Marauders woke up. Remus got up before Sirius and noted the annoyed look on his girlfriend's face. Nymphadora Tonks was not one you wanted to cross. Though even she enjoyed that little prank.

Once Sirius woke up, the three packed their tent up and started on their way to the village.

Sirius absolutely adored Naruto, just as Remus got along swimmingly with Sasuke. Of course it did take them a few hours to get used to the talking dog.

Sirius howled with laughter when he heard the pranks Naruto let loose on a weekly basis.

By the time they reached Konoha, Haru was happier than he had been in a long time.

His godfather and favorite uncle were with him, and Remus wouldn't be looked down upon because of his condition.

If anything, he would most likely become good friends with the Inuzuka clan. (He could already see Sirius falling for Tsume, who had run off Kiba's father.)

It didn't take long for Sirius and Remus to become accustomed to Konoha. And their official residence was the Uchiha compound.

(The poor Hokage could already feel his headaches coming back twice as worse, and the paperwork demons that plagued his office multiplying.)

* * *

_Time Skip, two years later..._

"GET BACK HERE NARUTO!" screamed a random ANBU.

Naruto cackled like the fox container he was, as he dodged the hands of the ANBU. Thanks to the suggestion of Sirius, he had just turned their entire office pink using a foam that would take _hours_ to get rid of. Anything the foam touched turned neon pink.

He still couldn't believe his luck.

First he gained an older brother, then some funny cousins, and finally a fun pair of uncles. And best of all, they not only loved pranks as much as he did, but they encouraged him to do better!

He dropped to street level, and hid behind a screen. The ANBU ran right past him, and he had to resist the urge to cackle.

"Suckers."

"Oh really Naruto?" said a voice from behind.

"ACK! Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka hogtied the boy with familiar ropes, and dragged him to the Academy. Though Naruto saw his lips quirk into an amused grin. Iruka might not have approved of Haru's methods, but even he had to admit it was good training.

Naruto was the second best shinobi in the class when it came to practical lessons, but the fourth worst one in the academical.

He would have been dead last if Remus hadn't discovered a way to make homework interesting.

Remus was waiting for them, his eyes amused.

In Iruka's mind the werewolf was a kami sent helper. He not only kept Naruto from being the worst student, he also helped teach magic.

It turned out that the students most likely to reach genin also had a natural aptitude for magic. The potions classes had only been the beginning.

There wasn't any reason to separate magic from chakra, which was why the classes were often joined at the hip.

Naruto, unsurprisingly, was the best at transfiguration.

The only thing the magic classes in Konoha _didn't_ have were wands. To Haru wands were an unnecessary pain to deal with.

(Once he started attending the wandless classes, he became bad at losing his replacement wand.)

Remus chuckled at the sight of Naruto being tied up. While he was fond of the loud blond, the fact was that Naruto reminded him painfully of James and Sirius at their worst.

Probably why he was good friends with Iruka.

Despite his grumbling, Naruto was a master of the Henge. He could use it without the hand sign, and he was possibly the only person who could keep up with Tonks when it came to rapid transformations.

He even fooled Haru a few times, and that was _with_ the Sharingan on.

Though that was usually because Naruto disguised himself as Anko, Haru's girlfriend.

(It was with a great deal of shock for the villagers to learn that the oldest Uchiha in the village was courting_ THE _Anko Mitarashi. Once she realized who her secret admirer was they really hit it off.)

Naruto grumbled, but hid a grin. Sasuke was the only one unsurprised when Naruto used his by now infamous jutsu on Iruka and Remus.

Remus was more or less immune to the trick, if only because he knew for a fact his wife would murder him with a smile on her face if he even considered straying.

They were about to have their second child in August. Teddy was a real handful for whatever genin got stuck watching him. Haru still babysitted, but it wasn't much fun without Naruto to keep an eye on.

Hanabi alone was the most stuck of the bunch.

* * *

_**Back in Europe...**_

It was reminiscent of the Dark Ages, only ten times worse. Magic had come out in the open, and the Ministry had long since given up obliviating people about the knowledge. Normally the muggleborns would be cheering about this, but it was a sad fact of the times.

The Dark Lord, assured of his victory now that his one obstacle to power had abandoned the people to their fate (some cursed the former boy-who-lived, others realized it was their own damn fault and blamed themselves) he had come out into the open in a busy muggle thoroughfare and started killing people without a second thought.

No one was safe, and people fled Europe in droves.

Some, who were still on good terms with the goblins, made it too Konoha or other Elemental countries. Most of them too shell shocked to say what was happening past the veil. Others went to America, in hopes of training to take down the tyrant.

Out of all those who fled, ninety percent were muggleborns. Hogwarts, which was supposed to be the safest place in Europe, was among the first places to fall.

Dumbledore was in hiding, and rumor had it he was searching for Harry who had long since abandoned them to their fate.

Things would get much worse before anything got better.

* * *

Haru looked up. For the past year, refugees from the other side had been making their way to the village like clockwork twice a month. In order to fill up his quota for missions, he had himself placed on permanent standby to guide them. He usually took anyone who was on desk duty or placed on light leave as back up.

They were never attacked, but it was always better to err on the side of caution.

He prepared for the journey. Naruto and the others had it marked on their calenders too, so they wouldn't miss him that much. Haru usually got the people to the village within three to four days now.

Haru frowned, and realized that he would have to send someone else this time.

The genin exams were tomorrow. And Naruto hated it whenever Haru missed them.

_Guess I better go bribe Anko. I know she wouldn't mind..._

He could kill two birds with one stone by sending her. If he sent the paperwork with her, she could help them find a place to get settled in.

He did just that, and Anko agreed to it, provided he buy the dango this time. Haru grinned, and waved her off.

He always bought the dango.


	6. Chapter 6

Naruto stood before Iruka and Mizuki. He had trained extra hard for this exam. It was Haru who told him to skip the regular clone, since his chakra reserves were too high for it to come out right.

It had taken some doing, but Anko eventually taught him the Shadow Clone.

Naruto did his henge, and then the shadow clone. Iruka was impressed, and so was Mizuki. But Naruto caught the thinly veiled contempt the silver haired man had for him.

He walked out of that class proudly with his new headband. Sasuke grinned, and gave him a thumbs up. He had gone in before.

Naruto was in such a good mood, he brought out Hoshi. Akamaru barked with good humor, and the two pups played around the classroom to the amusement of the class.

Hoshi was a pug, a pure breed one at that. Haru had found him on the way to Konoha with another group of muggleborns. He had a sprained foot, which was why his mother had abandoned him.

Haru took him in, helped heal the bad foot, and was planning on making the pug another nin dog.

Instead Hoshi took a real liking to Naruto, who adored the little dog...even if it's face looked smashed in. So Haru showed Naruto how to train his new puppy, and the two had been pranking the village ever since.

Naruto had named him Hoshi for the star shaped mark on the foot that had to be operated on. Like Kiba, Hoshi often rode on Naruto's head.

Though Iruka had told the boys that only one nin dog was allowed in class, because Hoshi loved to play with Akamaru and it was highly distracting.

Hoshi and Akamaru may be nin dogs, but they were still puppies. So Haru found games that would improve their skills and still be fun for their masters to play.

* * *

Naruto was grinning while he waited with Hoshi. The only thing he didn't like about the pug was the fact that for some reason, when he was excited the dog would pee on his head.

He didn't like it, but he still loved that little dog.

Before Haru picked up his little brother, Mizuki whispered in the boy's ear. Naruto may not have been the brightest child in the class, but he knew a set up when he saw one.

Haru took him out for ramen and listened to what Mizuki had said to his brother.

"So Mizuki wants you to take the Forbidden scroll for him. How about we lay a trap for him instead?"

"Anko-nee-chan isn't here though!"

"Bah. We don't need Anko to torture that bastard. Our pranks alone will drive him insane," grinned Haru.

With Haru's warning, the Hokage agreed to lower the security. Since few people would believe Naruto, they allowed him to steal the sacred scroll.

Haru would help his brother and keep him from anything too dangerous.

* * *

Haru used a simple spell to copy interesting jutsu, while Naruto kept an eye out for pursuers. Padfoot and Hoshi were in hiding, and it was unlikely Mizuki would even see them before it was too late.

It was Iruka who found them first, and he wasn't too happy.

"Why did you take the scroll? The whole village is up in arms about it!"

"Mizuki tried to lay a trap for Naruto. So we're making sure that his actions are well known in the village," said Haru.

He Padfoot growled in warning, and Haru vanished behind the house. The last thing he needed was for Mizuki to know that Haru was there waiting.

When Mizuki dropped the bomb on Naruto about the fox, the boy lived up to his name as the most unpredictable ninja in the village.

He laughed at the chunin.

"If I really was the Kyuubi no Yoko, then I wouldn't have Nii-san, or Hoshi or Iruka-sensei!"

Then his grin grew evil.

"Besides, Haru already told me about the furball being sealed inside me a year ago, when he gave me Hoshi. If I never held the fact that he had the same jerk who killed his parents stuck inside that lightning scar, then why should he care about the fact that I have an overgrown furball in my stomach?"

And with that, Mizuki went to kill Naruto...only to find Hoshi and Padfoot already on him.

Hoshi had a real knack for going after unmentionables, and Padfoot had his fangs at Mizuki's throat.

The traitor didn't dare move for fear the hounds would rip him apart. A wise choice, for an idiot.

"Well, well, well. So the traitor decides to reveal himself," said Haru.

Mizuki paled. Haru had made a name for himself by dating Anko Mitarashi...and staying sane. He had no problem with torturing other shinobi for the information, but he did not tolerate abuse of any sort. Anyone who harmed a child or abused someone else tended to end on his 'List' very quickly.

People on his 'List' didn't last long, and were often hauled into the T and I for a reminder of why you should treat others like fellow humans.

And if abusers got that sort of treatment, it was nothing to how he treated traitors.

The last time someone tried to betray the village, he had been beaten so bad and then humiliated in such a manner that the pictures of the bastard was sent to every nearby shinobi village.

After that, Haru was placed in the Bingo book as a B-rank shinobi, despite only being a chunin.

Though after tonight, he might be bumped up to an A-rank. Ibiki had been teaching him a few things, once he realized Haru had no issues with torturing people.

He grabbed Mizuki, and tied him up with his magic. He man wouldn't be escaping so easily.

Iruka returned the scroll, while Naruto waited patiently for Haru to come out of the T and I department. He ignored the screams with practiced ease.

Sometimes Anko would take him out for dango and ramen if he did well.

Haru walked out, wiping blood off his hands. Years of living with the Dursleys had given him an ability to ignore most pain...and hundreds of ways to inflict it without killing the victim.

Anko absolutely _loved_ his collection of books on torture. Her particular favorite was the Scavenger's Daughter.

(She actually convinced Ibiki to make a working model, and it usually got answers out of the victims with eighty percent accuracy.)

"Well?"

"Working for the Snake Sannin. He was going to use the scroll he had you steal to gain favor and join his ranks," said Haru, scowling in disgust.

Naruto beamed at his older brother. Haru always looked out for him.

* * *

A few days later, Anko returned to a rather interesting sight.

Mizuki, a chunin who taught at the Academy, was strung up by his ankles with the word _"Traitor"_ branded on his chest. To add to the shock, he was in the most frilly dress she had ever seen, complete with lacy bows in his silver hair. Make up was applied expertly to the man's face, and the message was quite clear.

He wasn't a man in any sense of the word.

Anko grinned, to the horror of the people she was leading. She recognized Haru's work.

"Wonder what he did to piss Haru off so much," she asked aloud.

The bushy haired girl frowned.

"Haru?" she asked.

Anko turned to her. The girl's name was Her-my-oh-knee, or something like that. She had brought her parents with her past the veil in hopes of getting away from whatever war was brewing back in Europe.

"My boyfriend. He's a natural at interrogation, but sometimes he takes it personally. Usually if the people were abusive to others, particularly children, or worse if they were traitors. He must have done something to really piss him off," she said cheerfully.

Over the course of a few days, Her-my-oh-knee had come to realize what sort of person Anko was. She was like a horrible combination of Snape, Draco and Harry, all rolled into one.

A blond boy happened to see her, and grinned widely.

"Anko-nee! You're back!"

"Hey fox boy. Where's your brother?"

"Right behind you. Hello Anko," said a familiar voice.

Haru walked up and gave her a kiss on the cheek, to the complete and utter shock of the girl.

"_Harry?" _ said the bushy haired brunette.

He paused, as if stung.

"I wondered when you would show up. Hello Hermione."

The brown haired girl threw herself around him in a hug. She had thought he was dead. It had taken a good long talk with her parents to realize she had been in the wrong, especially after she had allowed Dumbledore to bug that gift.

It wasn't until Voldemort came looking for her that she dared enter the magical community long enough to contact Griphook. He was the unofficial leader of the goblins who helped people escape across the veil.

She had taken parents with her. She wasn't going to allow anyone to hurt them because of her.

"Easy Hermione. I don't blame you. The twins are already here, and I'm sure they would be thrilled to see you. Let's get you three situated for now," said Haru calmly.

He forgot how much he missed his friends. Hermione especially, whenever he was reading a good book. While he still wasn't on good terms with how Ron behaved, Hermione had always stood up for him.

"So this is the bushy girl you used to talk about? She seems...better looking than what you said."

"She had time to properly come into her own, without being in the shadow of my fame. And she's clearly learned from her mistakes of trusting the old man," replied Haru.

Hermione, to her credit, did look ashamed about that.

"Relax 'Mione. I have long since forgiven you, since Sirius warned me before any real damage was done. It wasn't your fault that your blind trust in authority figures backfired so spectacularly."

Hermione, while shocked to find out that Haru had become part of the Torture and Interrogation department, was glad to have a chance to reconnect with her old friend.

He looked better than she had ever seen. Not only had he finally filled out after years of neglect, but he seemed much happier with his lot in life.

If she had been asked two years ago, she would have said Harry was suicidal at the very least. Now he clearly had every intention of living his own life.

Hermione and her parents were given the house across the street from Haru. She now lived right next door to Remus and Tonks.

* * *

Naruto arrived on time for the team selections. Haru had gone to the Hokage and made a very clear point to the old man.

He didn't care who the Hokage paired with his little brother, so long as Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka were _not_ among the team.

Having those pair of shriekers on the same team as Naruto would give him hearing damage.

"Team 7, you will be Naruto Uzumaki, Sasuke Uchiha and Kiba Inuzuka."

Naruto and Sasuke both cheered loudly. Sakura and Ino looked very disappointed that neither had gotten Sasuke on their team.

"Team 8, you will be Sakura Haruno, Hinata Hyuga and Shikamaru Nara."

Hinata and Shikamaru both groaned. Haruno wasn't a kunoichi. She was a fan girl who only became a ninja because she was lucky.

"Team 9 is still in circulation, so Team 10 will be Ino Yamanaka, Chouji Akamichi and Shino Aburame."

Shino twitched. Ino was the second most vocal girl in the class. And he had once seen Chouji eat a chocolate covered grasshopper.

Not that Chouji knew that it was a grasshopper. He didn't figure it out until someone realized there was an insect leg in the chocolate bar he was eating.

The fact that Chouji actually ate the rest gave Shino nightmares for months. What he said after finishing it sent the poor insect user into therapy for an entire year. Well, almost therapy. Haru managed to help Shino get over the sight of the Akamichi eating one of his hive by accident.

Though he still had serious nightmares about that.

Teams 10 and 8 left within an hour of each other...while Team 7 waited for nearly three. Which didn't actually bother the boys, because Naruto had brought Hoshi with him, and Kiba had brought Akamaru.

The two dogs were mock wrestling, with the boys cheering on the dogs with amusement.

By the time their new sensei arrived, Naruto had gotten bored enough that he had laid an elaborate trap above the door. Kiba and Sasuke helped, before bringing out a deck of cards and playing poker.

Kakashi entered the door...and found himself greeted by three bored boys with a pair of dogs chatting. The pug looked vaguely familiar...until he realize it might be one of Pakkun's pups.

It was a sad day indeed when the nin hound got more action than the human they worked with.

"Meet me on the roof in five..." he said.

The three shrugged. Kiba and Naruto collected their dogs, and followed Sasuke up.

They were amused to see that the itching powder that was laced in the pigment dust was taking effect.

"Names, likes, dislikes and dreams. Let's start with you blondie," he said, trying like mad not to itch.

"Naruto Uzumaki! I like ramen, pranks, my big brother and Hoshi! I dislike the time it takes for ramen to be ready and people who tend to shriek for no reason! My dream is to be Hokage!"

Kakashi looked at Kiba.

"Kiba Inuzuka. I like dogs, pranks and my sister Hana. My dislikes are being caught by my mother and cats. My dream is to be the best!"

"Sasuke Uchiha. I like animals in general, my brothers, and fire. My dislikes are fangirls, traitors and pity. My dream is to one day surpass my cousin Obito and my brother Itachi."

Naruto and Sasuke both noticed that Kakashi was staring at him for saying the name. Judging by the look in his eyes, he knew Obito personally.

"Kakashi Hatake. I'm not about to air my likes and dislikes in front of you, and my dreams are none of your concern. Meet me at training ground ten tomorrow at eight, and don't eat anything or you'll puke. We start the real genin exam tomorrow."

* * *

Naruto showed up early, with a scroll in hand. Sasuke had slept in, so he was after him. Like Naruto he had brought something to read.

Kiba arrived last, and was the only person who didn't eat breakfast.

Naruto tossed him an onigiri, to the boy's relief.

"What's with the books?"

"How late was Kakashi yesterday?" asked Sasuke.

"About three hours, why?"

"If he was that late meeting his new genin team, then why should he bother being on time for the test," Sasuke countered.

Kiba realized he had a point. Naruto tossed him a scroll on earth jutsu, and for the next two hours they sat there and read.

It was to the sight of the three reading that Kakashi found them. They didn't even twitch when he showed up. Even when he coughed.

"You're two hours late," Sasuke said, turning a page.

"I got lost on the road of life."

Sasuke and Naruto shared a look and said in unison, "I cry bullshit."

Kiba snickered.

Kakashi twitched. It had taken him four hours for the itching powder to wear off, and he wanted payback.

"In order to pass the test to become genin, you'll need to get a bell from me. There's only two, so one of you is going to be tied up to a stump."

He took out an alarm clock, and said "You have one hour. Test begins...NOW!"

The three boys vanished without a trace, and went into hiding. Naruto decided to scout the waters and sent a shadow clone to challenge Kakashi. It then that Naruto learned the hard way that anything learned by shadow clone was sent to him directly.

The yelp he let loose when the clone dispersed alerted Kakashi to where Naruto and Hoshi were, so they ran like hell to avoid the kunai sent their way.

"Right, is it me or is he enjoying this too much?" asked Naruto.

"It's not you. Payback options?" said Sasuke.

"Operation: GET BACK HERE YOU BRAT!" said Naruto.

Sasuke was familiar with that one. Naruto would rob some random piece of clothing from an ANBU, then escape before the ninja caught him. It was usually the pants or mask though.

"Escape plan Delta, Omega, Gamma?"

Kiba looked between the two in confusion.

"What the hell are you talking about?"asked Kiba.

"Naruto is going to prank the hell out of Kakashi while we steal the bells," Sasuke clarified.

Kiba grinned evilly.

"Mind if I send Akamaru to do some 'dynamic marking'?"

"Hell, let's send Hoshi in for that too!" cackled Naruto.

Kiba cackled too, and the pug went to join his partner in crime.

It didn't take long for Naruto to tick off the jounin. Kakashi was trying so hard to retrieve his mask that he never noticed Sasuke grabbing the bells and laying fakes in their place. To insure he didn't notice, Kiba lead the two dogs into their favorite game, which involved peeing while in a spin.

Before Kakashi could have his revenge, the alarm went off and two of the three had their bells.

To say he was unhappy by _how_ they managed to win would be an understatement.

"Team 7, you pass...though I will get you back for that Kiba and Naruto," he growled.

The three cheered, and went to celebrate. Kakashi went to take a shower before reporting the results.


	7. Chapter 7

He couldn't help it, he burst out laughing.

Due to the way they passed the genin exam, Sasuke and Naruto had gotten on Kakashi's shit list. As a result they often came home looking like they had gone a few rounds with Tora the demon cat.

(Who ironically enough, happened to be a female. Haru didn't know who was more horrified to find out that Tora was pregnant, Hermione or the Daimyo's wife.)

"Rough day?"

"We got him back for yesterday. He was dumb enough to join us for a round of poker," said Sasuke, trying not to wince.

Haru laughed long and hard.

"Naruto clean him out?"

"His wallet, savings, and he now has claims to Kakashi's first born," Sasuke confirmed.

"Who shall be named Twitchy," said Naruto in a serious voice.

"What's this I hear about children named Twitchy?" asked Sirius from the kitchen.

"SIRIUS WHAT HAVE I SAID ABOUT YOU COOKING?"bellowed Haru in good humor.

Sirius walked in with a grin.

After he nearly burned down the compound when he attempted to boil water (which was surprising, considering the entire place was fire proof because of who used to live there) Haru and everyone in the house banned him from so much as touching the kitchen utensils. If it involved flame in any way shape or form, he wasn't allowed near it.

His usual punishment involved food prep.

"Our new sensei is still angry that we pranked him so thoroughly during the test, and he's making our training harder than normal."

"How bad is it?"

"Poor Akamaru and Hoshi are dog tired by the end of it. Though to be fair, only Naruto has been able to beat him in a contest of stamina," said Sasuke.

"He runs from jounin and chunin levels on a daily basis. Kakashi mostly wanders around the village reading that porn book with crappy plot lines," snorted Haru.

Haru had gotten an Icha Icha Paradise as a gag gift from Sirius last year. He had read it, but found it to be sorely lacking in many areas.

Mainly in the plot. Whoever this Jiraiya is, he was a crappy writer.

"I'll go talk to him later. For now, we dine at Ichiraku's!"

Naruto and Sirius cheered. The hound had a real love of noodles.

"And Sirius is paying, since he tried to burn us down earlier," grinned Haru.

"OI!"

* * *

Haru found Kakashi easily enough. He sent Hedwig out with a balloon filled with sticking potion, and waited for her to drop the bomb on him.

Kakashi was glaring at her when Haru arrived.

"It's bad enough your little brother and cousin do that to me, but why you?"

"Because you're running them into the ground without anything conclusive to show for it. Be glad I didn't sick Anko on you."

"Fair enough. What do you want?"

"I want you to either tone down the anger issues or I will come back to haunt your sorry arse, and next time I'll send Hedwig with a gender switching potion and give you to Jiraiya as a present."

Kakashi glared at him.

"Why do you hate my little brother and cousin anyway? Is it because of the overgrown furball?"

"It's not because of the fox. And I don't have an issue with the Uchiha or the Inuzuka brat."

"Fine, then is it because of Naruto's father?"

Kakashi's visible eye widened.

"What do you know about his parents?"

"I'm fairly certain the reason no one talks about Naruto's father...is because he's the son of the Yellow Flash. Am I right?"

"Who told you?" asked Kakashi.

"No one. It was pretty obvious, actually."

"It's not that obvious!" Kakashi nearly yelled.

"Blond hair, blue eyes. The only person who fit that description is the Yellow Flash. And I assume Naruto got his little speech quirk from his mother."

"You know who his mother is?" Kakashi asked in morbid curiosity.

"Kushina Uzumaki, I would guess. The only person in the area who had consistent contact with the Yellow Flash at the time was Kushina. And from what I've heard, she had a speech quirk too."

"Unstick me and we'll go see the Hokage."

"Fine."

* * *

"How long have you known?"

"For nearly two years. It was when I brought Naruto with me to this particular office and happened to see him next to a picture of the Fourth that I put two and two together. I'm guessing there is a reason no one told him?"

"He isn't ready. Minato had so many enemies that it would be too dangerous for him to know."

"And the fact that the son of the Fourth was the one chosen to seal the Nine Tails meant nothing to you? Did it ever occur to you that maybe it would have kept him from being hated by almost everyone?"

"It was bad enough you told him about that. He wasn't supposed to know until he at least reached Chunin," said the Hokage reproachfully.

"If I hadn't, then Mizuki would have. Since I'm not allowed to tell him about the Fourth, can I at least tell him who his mother is? With the week he's had, it would really cheer him up."

"What do you mean with the week he's had?" asked the Hokage sharply.

Haru looked at Kakashi pointedly, who suddenly became nervous.

"According to Sasuke, the only way they could get back at their sensei was to get him into a poker game with Naruto."

The Hokage winced, visibly.

"Is there something I should know?" asked Kakashi suddenly.

"Naruto apparently has the luck of the very gods as some sort of karmic payback for being stuck with the Fox since birth," said Haru grinning.

"You should know brat. You suckered me into one last week," said the Hokage growling.

"Ah yes. Thanks for lending me those scrolls by the way."

"Which scrolls? What is he talking about?" asked Kakashi.

"I beat him at poker, and he had to lend me ten Jounin level secret scrolls for a week. Most fun I've had in months!"

The Hokage dropped to grumbling, and turned his attention to Kakashi.

"Fine. I'll get teach them tree walking by tomorrow, if you can get Naruto to forget the loss I suffered at poker."

"I might be able to convince him, if you don't mind being broke until your next paycheck and teaching him a wind jutsu."

"Deal."

* * *

"Wait, so Kakashi-sensei knew my parents?" asked Naruto excitedly.

"I'm not allowed to say who your dad is for security reasons, but the Hokage said he would let me if you ever reach Chunin. But I am allowed to tell you who your mom was."

Naruto was practically bouncing on his seat. For the first time in his entire life, someone was going to tell him about his parents!

"Your mother...was the last head of the Uzumaki clan, Kushina. According to the Hokage, she was the previous jailer of the fox. From what they've been able to tell, when she was having you, someone attacked and the seal was weakened to the point where the fox came out. Since you were her son, the Fourth sealed in it you for safe keeping," said Haru.

"Mom...was like me?"

"She was called the Red Hot Pepper, and she had a fiery temper to match. She was from the Village of Whirlpool, which was destroyed before you were born. She had a cousin, but no one knows what they changed their name to once they left the veil," said Haru.

"Wow..."

"Oh, and like you, she had a weird way of ending her sentences."

Naruto was so happy to even know what his mother was like he never thought to ask about his father. Haru promised to find Kushina's friends so he would learn more about his mother. And possibly his father, should Kakashi ever decide to let slip a few tales.

After the talk with the Hokage (and Naruto agreeing to forget the debt Kakashi owed him so long as he actually taught them all jutsu like he was supposed to be doing after a mission) things seemed to progress at a more smooth pace.

Naruto and his team found that fox containers and cats did not mix the hard way. Tora hated Naruto and would scratch the living hell out of him at any given chance.

On the plus side, after being bitten particularly hard on the ear by the feline, their team was no longer _allowed_ to take that mission after Kiba and Naruto set Hoshi and Akamaru on the cat.

Kakashi had never seen a cat run so fast.

* * *

It wasn't until Team 7 finally took enough D ranks to qualify for a C that things really became interesting.

Haru happened to be in the mood for an out of village mission, so he had been there to pick out one that really looked easy. It was a simple escort and bodyguard one in Wave.

While Haru preferred going to higher temperatures, he could tolerate one of the few countries that had a climate close to England on a bad day.

The only other one was a supply run to Sand, and Haru didn't feel like dealing with cranky Sand nin at the moment.

So Kakashi and his team took it.

The second Haru's client came in, he felt glad he had taken the Wave mission instead of his little family. Tazuna would annoy the hell out of Naruto in a heartbeat.

Besides, something told him the bridge builder wasn't telling the whole story.

"So I get the midget brigade?" he asked in a slur.

Naruto stiffened, but said nothing.

"Actually, sir, you get me. They're going on a supply run to Suna."

Tazuna looked at him through drunken eyes and said "Great...a pretty boy."

Team 7 snickered. The sad fact was that Haru could do nothing to dispute that fact. Except...

"A pretty boy who's girlfriend is an insane snake loving Torture specialist," he replied with a smile on his face.

Tazuna wisely backed off.

* * *

"Hermione, what would you say to helping me on a mission?"

"What kind of help and why?"

"Simple escort mission to Wave, and we'll be protecting the bridge builder until the bridge is completed. I'll even split the pay with you."

She looked amused.

"Why not. I've been meaning to visit Wave anyway. Plus this will give me some peace from my little brother."

A year after moving to Konoha, Hermione found out that her mother was pregnant again, this time with a baby boy. It seemed life in Konoha suited her better, since the child had been delivered healthy nine months later.

She now had a baby brother named Daniel, and he kept her up at night.

Part of the reason why Haru had offered to bring her along. Plus it would give her a chance to work on the launchers she had been developing for the Aurors turned shinobi.

Like Haru, some of the former dark wizard catchers couldn't throw worth a damn. And they often lacked stamina. So Hermione had developed a small pocket launcher which they could load the standard kunai and shuriken in to compensate for it.

Haru was one of her beta testers, and so far it seemed to work.

Oddly enough, the larger sized shuriken didn't give him as many problems with aiming. It took him a while to get the spin right, but eventually he found it was easier to launch one big shuriken compared to a standard one.

Though he still disguised his massive ones as standards. Saved on space, though not so much for his wallet.

It was part of the reason he was taking this job.

"Fine, but mind if we take Crookshanks with us? The Daimyo's wife threatened to skin him for knocking up that demon cat, and I don't want to get into trouble for him attacking her."

Haru snickered.

"Why not. If anyone asks he's a nin animal. I'm taking Padfoot anyway."

"Why not Hedwig?"

Haru looked sheepish.

"She's going with Naruto to see that owl she likes. Naruto has the cooling spell down pat, so she should be fine. If not he can reverse summon her home and Sirius can look after her."

Crookshanks had clearly been taking lessons from the normal ninja animals, because he was on Hermione's shoulder like a parrot. He even acted like a nin animal, which cracked Haru up.

Padfoot walked beside Haru, acting like a normal dog.

Tazuna seemed inclined to think Hermione was Haru's psychotic girlfriend, despite meeting Anko by accident. Though the kiss she gave Haru should have been clue enough.

About five miles in, Haru found a major problem in the plan. A problem by the name of Gato.

Gato had become a major player in the shipping business, often taking advantage of the influx of magical refugees. The only reason he didn't underpay them was because any one of them could hex him seven ways to Sunday. They were used to dealing with corrupt people like him.

Apparently he had set his sights on Wave, which meant they could expect shinobi interference at the least.

"Great...I was expecting an easy, hassle free mission. Instead I have to deal with at least chunin level missing nin. I'm getting back-up."

Tazuna looked alarmed. Haru noticed and gave him a patient look.

"We are dealing with chunin level ninja at the very least, and missing nin usually have a high bounty on their heads at that level. I'll subtract whatever pay you can't afford from the bounties."

"We'll take a break here until you get back," she said. Padfoot walked over to Tazuna and sat down.

* * *

"Hey Anko, what would you say to leaving the village for a bit and dealing with shinobi in Wave?" asked Haru from behind her.

She yelped.

Anko _hated _it whenever Haru did the silent teleport trick, even if he did bring her awesome gifts as an apology. Today it was a pair of missing nin.

"Ooooh...are those the Demon Brothers?"

"We could have Ibiki put them on ice until we get back, or I can bring you here for a few days if we manage to catch a break."

"What's the occasion. And didn't you leave two hours ago?"

"Client underrated the mission. Gato is targeting his village, which means Chunin level targets at least. Sound interesting?"

Anko cackled, and put the Demon Brothers in a cell with her name on the outside to show they were reserved. People with a high enough ranking by Ibiki got a cell in which they could toss people in and the other interrogators would leave them alone as a courtesy.

Anko rarely got to use hers, though Haru sometimes threw people he had caught in there if they were on his List.

After she did that, she went to talk to Ibiki. Upon getting his approval (and the guarantee that he would at least feed her next victims for her) Haru teleported them to where Hermione was.

Tazuna yelped at the appearance of the two, though Hermione took it in stride.

"Best make up for lost time. How long was I gone?"

"Two hours at least. We should have been halfway to Wave by now," she said dryly.

"I'll take the old man if you take 'Mione."

"Deal," said Anko.

Hermione, catching the gist of the idea, climbed onto Anko's back without complaint. Tazuna did the same, albeit reluctantly.

It took them an two hours to get to the boat, which normally would have taken four.

Haru was grateful for the slight break once they got on the boat. He did a silent whistle at the sight of the bridge. It put the one in London to shame, easily.

And it was done with less technology and would likely need fewer repair jobs. Unlike the world beyond the veil, these bridges rarely had to deal with thousand ton cars, so the wear and tear was much smaller.

"It'll be the pride of Wave when it's done," said Tazuna proudly.

"I bet," said Haru in appreciation.

Once they reached land, Haru and Anko stretched properly before heading out. After carrying the civilians half the way there, they would need it to keep their muscles from cramping up.

They were heading to Tazuna's house when Anko yelled "Get down!"

Everyone hit the deck, with Hermione keeping Tazuna low to the ground. Haru took one look at the giant cleaver and knew they were in serious trouble.

Anko, when she saw the shinobi standing on said cleaver, cackled like the crazy bitch she was.

"Haru, you take me on _all_ the best missions! Do you know who that is?"

Haru looked at the man closely and realized why she was in such a good mood.

It wasn't often you ran into a jounin class ninja who's reputation was as horrifying as your own.

"Zabusa Momochi, formerly of the Mist. If you're after the bridgebuilder, I will sick my girlfriend on you," Haru said with a grin.

Zabusa raised an eyebrow (which was surprising, considering they were practically nonexistent in the first place) at Hermione, as if claiming she wasn't a threat.

Hermione huffed.

"Why is it that everyone assumes I'm his girlfriend?"

Haru laughed openly, then jerked his head towards Anko.

"This is my girl. 'Mione is just an old friend."

Zabusa paled. He clearly recognized Anko from her Bingo Book page.

After a minute, he realized who Haru was too.

"Shit, that midget bastard never said I would have to deal with two of the biggest sadists in the Leaf!"

Hermione raised an eyebrow of her own.

"Sadist, Harry?"

"What? My nickname is the Green Eyed Demon. Is it _my_ fault that people piss me off to the point where I get vindictive?"


	8. Chapter 8

Despite realizing exactly who he was up against, Zabusa didn't let it deter him from attempting to kill the bridge builder. What Zabusa _didn't_ count on was the fact that Hermione had long since perfected the temporary ward that could be cast in less than a minute.

Not exactly fast for a shinobi, but if given a chance to use it in the field, it would stop anything short of a kekkei genkai. She knew, because she had it tested it extensively.

It could stay up for as long as she needed, and it barely cost any magic once you got the ritual done with.

The only real downside was that you were essentially trapped in a bubble with the only way out was to break the circle.

If you had done the ritual correctly, then it could be set up with a single word.

"_Reflecto!"_

While Haru and Anko distracted Zabusa, the shield went around Hermione and Tazuna. He was very, very surprised to find that he couldn't get to the bridge builder as long as the bubble was up.

Which meant he had to take out the two shinobi first.

Zabusa inwardly winced...taking out two of the three biggest sadists in Konoha was going to be a major pain in the ass.

He tried hiding in the mists...and decided to skip using his killing intent. It wouldn't work on two shinobi who specialized in torture. If anything it would make them laugh.

He bent over backwards almost literally when Anko sent her snakes at him...only to find Haru's massive shuriken being thrown his way. He barely avoided getting his head cut off.

He did wonder what the odd contraption on the Green Eyed Demon's arm was though.

He found out pretty quick when the thing launched fifty shuriken at him with deadly accuracy.

He raised a nonexistent eyebrow.

"Why a shuriken launcher?" he asked.

"...I can't throw worth a damn," Haru deadpanned.

Zabusa found that rather...amusing. You had to be able to throw in order to get to that level, so finding out that the second most feared male in interrogation couldn't throw was funny.

He quickly revised that thought when another massive shuriken came his way with deadly accuracy.

"Now aiming is something I'm rather good at," he said in a bored tone.

Which is how Zabusa came face to face with the other part of Haru's arsenal. Since he couldn't throw worth a damn, he found another way to send projectiles to his enemies.

For the shuriken he used Hermione's launcher...but for kunai he used something completely different.

It was a modified crossbow, with an automatic reloading mechanism. It was something he developed after he became chunin.

Zabusa retreated to the water...only to find Anko waiting. On a giant marine snake. Who looked hungry.

He was so screwed if Haku didn't hurry up.

He tried to ensnare her in a water prison, but Haru wasn't letting up. It took a moment to find out why he wasn't in the water jutsu.

The brat was flying...on a stick.

Hermione facepalmed.

"You still kept your broom? I would have thought you had found a decent substitute for it by now."

"And miss the looks on their faces when they see it? Not a chance in hell!" cackled Haru.

Suddenly a pair of senbon was lodged into his neck. If he could breathe, he would have let out a sigh of relief. Haku had cut it close.

Anko cheerfully whistled on the way to the house. Zabusa was out of commission for at least a week. She just wished she could have seen the look on that fake hunter shinobi's face when she told him to work on his acting skills before trying out for the big boys again.

Haru was walking with Hermione, and being forced to listen to her questions about the modified crossbow he used. She seemed a bit miffed he wasn't loading his launcher with both kunai and shuriken.

Even after he patiently explained that he had modified the weapon himself, she still didn't get it.

Finally Anko rescued her boyfriend by explaining to the girl that sometime shinobi gained a preference towards one way and refused to budge. Since Haru had been using the crossbow before he even gained his launcher, it was his preferred weapon. The fact that he had modified it himself only added to it.

The fact was, that Haru had used the crossbow for kunai and an enlarging charm for the shuriken for the past two years. The fact that the shuriken launcher wasn't handed out until four months ago apparently never figured into Hermione's rant.

Once Anko offered to take first watch just in case, Haru went to his designated room and crashed.

* * *

Anko and Haru worked out a schedule. While one guarded Tazuna, the other would train. And then switch places the next day.

Hermione would guard the house and help the daughter. It gave her some peace and quiet while she worked on her new inventions to help the magical refugees integrate more smoothly with the shinobi.

The shinobi bore the newcomers with patient ease for the most part, but there wasn't any doubt in Haru's mind that eventually the other shinobi would figure out the weak links and go after them specifically. Hell, the only reason why aurors were even allowed on out-of-village missions was so they could handle the paperwork for the shinobi.

It was more or less the only thing that kept the ninja from complaining about the sudden increase. They hated paperwork with a passion.

Though in a bizarre case of reverse specie-ism, the shinobi almost always sided with the goblins whenever the more close minded magicals got into a fight with them, despite the fact that they weren't even human. That always confused the offending party, at least until they figured out the mutual respect the shinobi had for the goblin clans and their warriors.

* * *

Haru was taking a nap when he awoke to someone poking him. The low, constant chakra hum under the skin told him that this was the fake hunter that had rescued Zabusa earlier.

Haru sat up, amused more than anything. If she had just passed on by he never would have noticed (or cared) that she had been so close to him.

"You do realize I have a girlfriend, right?" he said dryly.

She backed off as if stung. The subtle joke was a hint that he knew who she was. The fact he hadn't killed her yet spoke volumes about himself.

"You knew?"

"You didn't shut off the chakra hum. Be glad you didn't wake Anko up, or she would have killed you for it."

The girl (or was it boy?) stiffened.

"Relax. It's too nice a day to have a ninja battle. Out looking for herbs to heal your master?"

The kid nodded. He couldn't be older than Naruto or Sasuke by a year, if that.

"Let me help then. Wouldn't be fair to Anko if she went after someone who wasn't at their best," he chuckled.

"Why are you two together? I would have thought you and the brown haired civilian..." she asked.

"Anko and I had more in common. Besides, 'Mione is more of a sister than a girlfriend. Though never stand in her way of a good book... You'd be likely to get killed or worse," he grinned.

The kid grinned.

"So are you really from Kiri or the outlands?" he asked.

"A small village outside of it. Because of my kekkei genkai, my father killed my mother and tried to kill me."

Haku couldn't help himself. Even if he was the Green Eyed Demon, he was relaxing to talk to. Even knowing that he was an enemy, Haru Uchiha had made no move to attack. If anything he was positively laid back.

"Ouch. Sounds almost as bad as mine."

He looked at him.

"My aunt and uncle were forced to take me in, despite the fact that they hated my parents. I was stuck in their house for ten years as little more than an unpaid slave until I was eleven, when the man who left me there without a word retrieved me. Took me four years to get away from him and now I'm a jounin level shinobi from a civilian background."

"...You have a kekkei genkai too?"

"I suppose you could call it that, but where I lived it's so widespread that it's more like chakra than anything. You can be born to it through a family connection or by chance. It's kinda like how some people have what is needed to become shinobi and those who don't."

That made more sense than it didn't. Because of his kekkei genkai, he had a better chance of actually being a shinobi than most civilian children who unlocked their chakra coils.

Haru cheerfully chatted with the boy, despite being on opposite sides of the battlefield. When Haku finally left, he found himself with a sense of unease.

Haru Uchiha was like no one he had ever gone after. He could cheerfully chat up enemies without caring that they would soon have to kill each other. It made no sense. And his sense of humor was definitely not as morbid as his master, despite having the same level as Zabusa.

It made absolutely no sense.

* * *

Anko glared at her boyfriend. He had run into the second shinobi who was on Zabusa's side...and all he did was chat with the boy?

"You're supposed to kill enemy shinobi, not flirt with them," said Anko crossly.

"I'm fairly certain the kid was male, love."

"That's not the point! Why did you let him leave alive?"

"Because you would pout and bitch if Zabusa came back half strength instead of giving you a good fight," he countered.

Anko quit whining. He was more or less right. Zabusa was the most action she had gotten in the battlefield in a while, since she usually spent her days in the T and I building cooped up. Torture was fun and all, but she needed more action than that.

"I wonder how Naruto and Sasuke are handling their first C rank," Hermione said to break the silence.

* * *

(Elsewhere in Sand)

Naruto and Sasuke sneezed, which cleared out their clogged sinuses. The sand was giving them stuffy noses, along with Kiba who had proclaimed he couldn't smell anything _but_ sand at this point.

Kakashi was at his wit's end with the five of them (he counted Hoshi and Akamaru who were whining as much as their owners at this point) and was about to boot them out of the guest quarters.

About the only _good_ thing to happen during this mission was that Naruto made a friend in what appeared to be Sand's jinchuriki.

Gaara was rather happy to find out he wasn't the only one to suffer, and had taken Kakashi's suggestion to meditate instead of sleep seriously. According to the insomniac, it helped to alleviate his desire to murder Kiba Inuzuka for whining so much.

Because of the unusual friendship, Gaara and his team gave the Leaf genin a tour of the village...and a warning that all was not right in Sand.

Temari and Kankuro were both of the opinion that something was very wrong with the Kazekage...who also happened to be their father. Even Gaara admitted something seemed off, and he normally wanted nothing to do with his father.

Which was why Kakashi had Naruto let go of Hoshi...who had the curiosity of a cat sometimes. Sure enough, once Naruto managed to get control of the pup, he reported that the man who claimed to be the Kazekage reeked of blood, snakes and chemicals.

Which fit one of two people. One of which was in Konoha last he checked.

He would have to report to the Hokage that Orochimaru was currently masquerading as the Kazekage. This...would not end well.

* * *

Haru woke up a little too late.

He should really quit reading whenever he couldn't sleep. The book he found in the village was so interesting he had difficultly putting it down. And that was after he checked that no one had placed any magic on it within a couple of chapters.

Now he was tired as well as late. It was his turn to train today. At least that was the plan.

Instead he took out two samurai who were trying to use Tazuna's daughter as leverage.

Once he took out the trash, he decided to inspire little Inari into action. The kid was brave...he just needed a reason to let that show.

He actually reminded Haru of Neville a little bit.

Haru found Hermione with Tazuna, in the ward like before. Anko was going after Zabusa alone while her clones attacked his apprentice.

So Haru went after the boy he ran into in the woods.

Haku suddenly found himself confronted by the same odd jounin from before. Only this time he wasn't so calming.

He did raise an eyebrow at the fact that Haru could only use large shuriken normally, but it didn't stop him from landing senbon in the man's arms.

Haru grinned. While Haku had somehow disabled his chakra points with some accuracy, he still had his fallback option.

Haru used the full body bind on Haku once the boy came out of the mirrors, assured that Haru couldn't use any jutsu. While he couldn't direct it safely with his wand or any hand signs, he could aim it somewhat in the direction of Haku.

Padfoot was too busy helping Anko to assist him.

Haku went ramrod straight, unable to move. Anko's clone removed the senbon, though his arms were rather numb.

When the mist suddenly parted, Haru could see that Zabusa was suffering from the poisons in Anko's favorite snakes. If he was lucky, Anko would deliver the anti venom.

(She only carried it because of the Hokage's complaints...and because Ibiki proved it would make the victim's suffering longer if she kept them barely alive.)

At that moment, Haru stared. At the end of the unfinished bridge was a large group of a hundred and fifty mercenaries and what appeared to be a well dressed dwarf.

"Who the hell is that?" he asked.

"That's Gato," said Tazuna.

"That runt is Gato?" said Haru incredulous.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

When Haru saw the look in the man's eyes, he knew. Gato was planning on killing Zabusa and Haku.

"Oh Anko dear...I believe you just gained fifty new playthings. Perhaps Manda-dono would accept them as sacrifices?" suggested Haru sweetly.

Anko gained a glint in her eyes. Manda usually only helped if the summoner fed him human sacrifices. She just kept some poor schmucks from the T and I department on reserve if she had to use him.

Haru's suggestion actually made her insane grin a hundred times worse. The poor mercenaries shivered at the sight of it.

"Can you send them to that room? Who knows what sort of info they could give us," she grinned.

"Toss me a few chakra pills. Little Haku somehow screwed up my control, so it might be messy."

Zabusa stared past him to see Haku on the ground, almost perfectly straight. At first he thought the boy was dead, until he realized that the chest was still moving up and down.

"Relax, I only put him in a bind. Once we deal with these idiots I'll take it off," Haru assured him.

Anko tossed him a few pills. With the overabundance of chakra now in his system, he sent forty of the mercenaries to Anko's special holding cell. The other ten didn't survive the trip.

Gato was completely exposed...and Zabusa was pissed. Seeing the look in his eyes, Haru gave him a kunai. Zabusa ran right into the mess...and while being wounded he managed to cut off the head of the man who tried to destroy an innocent village.

Haku's eyes widened in horror. With that many wounds it was unlikely Zabusa would survive.

At least, that was the consensus.

Hermione broke the ward, and promptly brought out her full healer's kit. The Hokage made it mandatory for any magical who went out into the field to carry healing potions and to know basic first aid. She used her magic to deduce where he was injured and went to work.

To the shock of everyone except Haru and Anko, Zabusa was actually sitting up in twenty minutes. Her potions always worked fast.

"That reminds me! _Finite Incantatum,_" said Haru.

Haku sat up, and winced. That had been rather uncomfortable for him.

* * *

"So now the only question is what to do with you two?" said Haru.

Zabusa was still recovering, and since the main threat to the bridge builder was gone, Haru had gone with the two to their hideout. Anko would switch with him in a few hours.

Just because Gato was dead didn't mean they could ignore the two being in the area.

"If I could, I would go back to Kiri. But I still haven't earned enough cash to kill the Mizukage."

"Actually..." said Haru.

Haku and Zabusa stared at him.

"The Mizukage was replaced a year ago. Someone found out that he had a kekkei genkai and the shinobi were rather pissed about that. I heard a rumor he went and joined a criminal organization but I don't know if that's true," said Haru.

"Haku couldn't return to Kiri...they would kill him on sight," said Zabusa.

"He told me about his kekkei genkai. I think that's the reason why the Hokage refused to send any magicals anywhere near Mizu."

Zabusa couldn't leave without taking Haku with him, but his apprentice wouldn't be able to go near his home country without being killed on sight.

"Perhaps there's another solution. Why not have Haku return with us to Konoha while you return to Kiri? That way you can get stronger and he'll be safe from Kiri assassins. It's not like he was in their shinobi records to begin with."

"How do I know you wouldn't stick him in some cell?" asked Zabusa. It was better than anything he could come up with.

"One, I would never hear the end of it from Hermione, and two, he reminds me a lot of my little cousin and brother."

"Who's your brother?"

"The container to the Nine Tailed Fox," said Haru bluntly.

Haku's eyes widened. He had run into one of the Bijuu containers once...and the man had been insane.

"Oh would you relax? Naruto is the biggest prankster in the village. The worst he's every done is pranked the Hokage with his own jutsu."

"What jutsu is that?" asked Zabusa, morbidly curious.

He really should have known better than to ask, particularly when Haru gained an evil glint to make Anko proud.

"_SEXY JUTSU!"_

Seeing the eyes of Zabusa and Haku widen, he went to the secondary form of Naruto's technique.

"And of course..._HAREM JUTSU!"_

"GAH!" Zabusa was knocked out from massive blood loss, and Haku's face was entirely red.

"To think a nine year old came up with this!" cackled Haru. Zabusa just twitched.


End file.
